Thursday, January 20, 2011

Guest Post: The Layers by Andy White

*Finally, some male perspective on this, my undeniably neurotic, female blog. @andywhitedc is a DC resident, author and social media manager. In response to my frustrations with dating and recent Mr. Unicorn posts we've shared some lively discussions regarding the apparent wealth of eligible men in DC that my female cohorts and I are overlooking and the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the problem may instead be that some of us girls aren't all that we are cracked up to be. Some of the time, anyways. Please check it out, comments are always appreciated and thanks to Andy for being my first guest post. Enjoy.*

By Andy White

The layers is a bold move. It's an elaborate routine devised solely to avoid paying the check, and to carry it out successfully requires timing and a flagrant disregard for both the truth and your fellow man. It has only happened to me once and my cap is still doffed in her general direction.

The hour of 7:30pm is about 25 minutes too early to play the 'it's late' card. You could hold off for those additional minutes, keep nodding and smiling and pretending to give a shit, but sometimes enough is absolutely enough. Even on a second date, apparently. Look outside for a moment. It's DC. It's winter. It's cold. What to do? Oh, look, you have a number of items around you: hat, scarf, coat. In other words, you have layers to attend to.

"Do you mind if I start the process of putting on my layers now, I have quite a number to attend to?" she said.

Through pursed lips I managed a cold smile and a half-nod, and the charade immediately began. The layers, they indeed began to be placed upon the body. The body that up until 25 seconds earlier I did indeed somewhat covet.

The process of attending to the layers - of which I will readily admit there were several - lasted a good minute. Maybe a minute 15 seconds at a push. I watched as she put them on, and she watched me watching her. Giving her the benefit of the doubt and the sheer number of items now adorned, that took us right up to 7:32pm. She looked somewhat fatigued following her exertion. It was late.

"It's late," she said.

Again, the pursed lips and the half-nod from yours truly.

"It's cold out," she said delivering a succinct barrage of small talk that was at the same time admirable and somewhat obvious given her multiple layers. "I'm going to head on out then," she said curtly, already moving towards the door that led out to the cold and freedom.

I looked down on the table at the wine and the conspicuous lack of a check. Then I looked up again. She was gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Said thoughts ran the gamut, but tended to circumnavigate the word 'bitch'.

Five minutes later the check arrived. It was 7:40pm. It was late.


Toddy said...

Are we girls that cunning and rude I wonder? Hmm. What I want to know is why the date was so bad? Also, while I am adamant guys should pay on the first date (if they want a second date with me anyways), its perfectly appropriate to share bills on the second date and thereafter. In this case,if that's a necessary evil (due to budgetary concerns and restrictions) and important to you men, perhaps a frank, open and honest discussion (shocking I know, you'll have to TALK about things) with your date de jour about going dutch is in order. i.e. I'm not a deadbeat, I swear I work for a living but still am sadly not independently wealthy and am a really great guy if you give me a chance and where can "we" afford to go and equally contribute to our time together. Just a thought and as always, cheers, T.

WashingTina said...

I think leaving before the check has arrived, whether you intend to offer to pay or not, is bitchy and just plain bad manners. I hope this woman is not indicative of the norm. I, too, would love to know why the date was bad (up to this point--or maybe it wasn't?).

Andy said...

Things didn't exactly start on a good note when she rolled up at 6:30pm and immediately announced she had ate leftovers at home, having been totally unable to wait for our scheduled dinner reso. At that moment I should have foretold what was about to occur.

Toddy said...

Andy- this was a second date right? Wondering why she agreed to go out with you in the first place if she was so unenthused. Yes Washingtina seems totally rude and illmannered and confusing. Why do people suck? I understand there is the inevitable rejection or bad fits in dating by why are there so many people out there without basic civility? It's so easy to say: "Hey I'm flattered but no thanks I'm not interested in going out (or going out again). Take care. Good luck." Or paying for your own glass of wine for christs sake. if you can afford a glass of wine, then you have no right going out anywhere, with anyone, for anything. Stay at home and start fillin that piggy bank. -T.

WashingTina said...

Ouch. Sounds like you're well rid of her. Why even show up? Why not just call and say, "hey, look, I'm just not feeling it, but thanks anyway." I never understood the games/lies/BS when I was dating and tried all I could to avoid it. Ugh...just ugh.

Anonymous said...

The only way I could ever see myself doing something like that is if my date had said or done something very rude or offensive. Even then, I would probably have thrown down a twenty on my way out- I always carry cash on dates to provide for a speedy exit in case things go south.

Toddy said...

Its definitely puzzling. Thanks to Andy, Tina and Quarter for your comments. I for one loved the style and tone of this piece and the perspective of a guy for a change. There are good and bad guys AND girls out there. And its hard for both sexes alike to find suitable partners. It's good for me to be reminded of that and not be so hard on the men as a collective. So let's hear it for the boys and Cheers, T.

Anonymous said...

I can honestly say that I've never had a date like that. Andy, that really sucks. I agree with Toddy that the guy should pay on the first date and this is from a relatively broke guy. I'm pretty sure the last three girls I took on dates all make significantly more money than I do.

I think I saw the gritty underbelly of this when I was a bartender. Nice shy guys try to buy the girl a drink but there are a LOT of girls out there playing on their charms for a free night of drinking just have to spoil it for the rest. The mentality ends up translating to the dating scene.

So we've got a cyclical problem from some bad links in the chain. Let's say Guy1 is a jerk to Girl1. Girl1 doesn't feel inclined to open up to the next guy. Conversation ends up being dull and Girl1 just wants to get away. Guy2 ends up footing the bill despite genuine efforts that would have been quite charming otherwise. There are plenty of other scenarios to play out but that was just one example. Just trying to buff out the scratches and dents.

Toddy said...

Berniemacx-yes some girls ruin it for others but i disagree w you on the drinks thing. What do guys expect for buying a girl a drink? Sex? A date? I think of that money like vegas/gambling. Youll probably lose but is that money wasted? Not if you had fun gambling it away. Theres an entertainment value. Its fun hitting on girls. Talking to girls on ur night off. Getting some girls to date you/sleep with you. Im so tired of guys acting like victims. Dont buy a girl a drink then. Wait till shes just bought one then approach n chat. And besides, there r so many non-broke guys in DC just being cheap and douchey. Just sayin, T.

Clicking Frogs said...

I go into a date, even first ones, with the intention of paying for myself. I have never had a guy actually take me up on it. (And I'm not just doing the fake reach slowly for the purse move.) The only time I actually paid for my drink was on the worst date ever and 20 minutes into it, let me tell you, it was LATE. So I threw a $10 down and walked out.

Toddy said...

Wow! Only ever paid for yourself once? I've never met you but I'd have to gander that you must be a VERY beautiful woman. I myself have paid many a time more than once. But I'm glad to hear that you been met with such treatment. Well deserved I'm sure. Cheers, T.

Clicking Frogs said...

Ha - I don't know about that. I should clarify - I've never paid for a first date(or second or third - although I don't usually have any interest in going further than the first date). So it's not that I have never paid for myself... I do pay after I've been seeing someone for some time and I definitely insist on that.

Toddy said...

Clicking-Still NOT having ever paid on a first date OR A SECOND OR A THIRD is pretty impressive. Then again-if a guy REALLY likes you and wants to impress you, its a pretty good way to do it. if they can afford it. Rest assured though, there are other ways. cheers, T.