Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Date With A Unicorn: Part 9

After my first overnight with Mr. Unicorn, I wasn't supposed to see him again until the following Wednesday. Once again, I loved that we planned all our future dates, in person, at the end of our currently going rendezvous. It made things so much easier. No wondering. No worrying. I could go on with the rest of my life - work, friends, fun, downtime - and still know that I was going to see him again and already be confident that he liked me enough to see me yet again. If we hadn't planned our next date, I wouldn't have had the answers to those questions so decidedly in advance. Instead, it was all-No stress. No drama. Easy. Everything with Mr. Unicorn had been easy. Did he create this relaxed interaction between us all on his own? Or was it the combination of our certainty for one another matched with our full, balanced and busy individual lives, separate from each other, that made it such an uncomplicated joy to date this man?

When asked by a fellow tweep how much texting and calling was taking place between Mr. U and I when we weren't physically together (I believe in an attempt to gauge the "normalcy" or lack thereof of the amount of texting and calling that was going on between himself and a new girl he was dating) I could honestly answer - next to none. We'd spoken on the phone once to confirm plan details the night before a date, texted a few "Did you make it home okay?" and "Hope you're having a good day," and had a few flirty email interchanges while at work involving some innocent jokes about showing each other our "briefs" i.e. legal briefs (or not) but overall the total amount of conversation was extremely moderate in the several day time spans between our dates. We were opting instead to tell each other about our days apart on our actual dates which allowed us to let each other live our lives mostly uninterrupted in between.

All this considered, I was very surprised to find an email from Mr. U on Monday afternoon (after a weekend without contact and a date planned for Wednesday) that cheerfully and briefly updated me about his recent going-ons, hoping I had been well, asking me if I might like to do trivia for our Wednesday night date and then suggesting the following: "If you're stuck in the office for a while, and want to meet me for a late dinner text me."

Hmm. What's this? A last minute date. This was SO not our M.O. This change in our pattern of planning reminded me that Mr. U was just another guy and that we were just dating and how was I supposed to act again when I was dating just another guy? Should I go out with him last minute on a Monday when we had plans for Wednesday? Was this spending too much time together too soon having had a date Friday overnight through late Saturday morning then having dinner dates Monday and Wednesday too? It seemed like a lot.

I did what any smart, single, social media conscious (or addicted) girl would do to solve a problem like this. I picked up my phone and sent out a distress signal to my tweeps: "I need girl advice! Mr. U and I made plans to see each other again this Wednesday but..." "He's just emailed me and wants to do dinner tnight! In addition to Wednesday I guess." "Too much too soon? Too last minute? Or should I just go with it?"

I knew the blogging and tweeting community was really and truly a community. But I never expect the flood of helpful responses that I immediately received and the dialogue that ensued amongst the lot of us.

@whatagrandworld: My advice is not that it's too much too soon, but here's where a little bit of game playing is okay.
Me: @whatagrandworld ooh now I'm intrigued? Game playing how? Do go on..."

: I think you should tell him you have other plans!

@mepper: if it's beyond 2nd date and you really like him and you're free then it's fine...

: It's not a "last minute" date, it's just a "casual" date. Just something more low-key.

@KellyAlysia: don't play games, do what feels right.

@WashingTina No games, do what you want, be yourself and just go with it.

Me: I'm leaning towards waiting to remind myself and him that I HAVE A LIFE!!!!
Me: i haaaaate that Im not getting any work done!!! #justbemyboyfriendalready so I can get back to normal!!!!!
Me: But I must admit I'm dying to see him.
@whatagrandworld Hahah I'm not saying I'm much better, but I love that nervous feeling. Until about the hour before the date. Then it sucks.
Me: hahaha me too!

@TheOceanFactory guy perspective- he's excited to see you. And wants to. Reality- sometimes things take time...
Me:@TheOceanFactory yay guy perspective thanks! know im being lame girl but ive actually been a coldhearted atty for yrs. Never expected this!
@TheOceanFactory: exciting I'm sure! Important not to lose who you are. I can be v aggressive but believe somethings you have to LET happen
Me: But its fun to be excited as long as i leave the insanity for my gurrls in talk and bring a rationality to my acts
@TheOceanFactory But do what feels right to you. Trust your instincts. Don't overthink it!
Me: @TheOceanFactory ok i wont.


Ultimately, the conversations came down to a couple different line of thoughts.
(1) Was it presumptuous for Mr. Unicorn to think that I would be available last night to hang out with him? Didn't I have a life before him? Didn't I still have a life? Shouldn't he think that my time was precious and full and that in order to see me he needed to plan dates well in advance as common courtesy would insist?
(2) Even if his last minute date wasn't presumptuous and instead was appropriate and only well-intentioned, wasn't it a good thing to slow things down, not go too fast and to allow ourselves to miss each other and feel that excitement of anticipation while waiting for the next meeting to arrive?
(3) Perhaps I should be playing hard to get and not show too much interest too soon lest he think I was too desperate or too serious.
(4) If I wanted to see him, I should just see him. Because we wanted to see each other.
(5) Girls think way too much about way too much.
(6) One thing was clear- I really, really, really, really liked this guy. A lot. Like, really. A. lot.

I hadn't made up my mind about seeing Mr. Unicorn. I don't know why I was so conflicted. I think that everything had just been moving soooo fast. And everything had been soooo perfect. And I began to worry that if I made this decision or that decision that I would somehow screw it up or ruin it. I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

After hours of considering the options, I still hadn't gotten back to Mr. Unicorn to accept or decline his dinner invitation. In hindsight, this was somewhat rude and not at all like me. I pride myself on my strict adherence to rules of etiquette and constant intent to be considerate of others, aquaintances and strangers alike. I left the office without a reply. I received another message from Mr. U: "Ok-heading out now - text or call later if you want to meet for dinner later." I wondered if he wondered what my hold up was. I wondered if he was annoyed that I hadn't gotten back to him. But still I remained bent on silent indecision. I walked to the metro and road the redline 6 stops. I walked 100 steps up the broken metro escalator and stepped out into the cold slightly out of breath. I climbed onto the bus and sat in the back my cheek pressed against the window. The bus rumbled up the hill and came to a halt. Back into the frigid air, I slipped along the icy streets and made my way towards my front porch steps. Why did I feel so unsettled?

As I walked through my front door into the dark house I had a moment of clarity in the cold, empty silence. "I want to see him. I'm going to see him. Screw the rules." I fumbled around with my coat and purse in the black foyer trying to find my phone. I quickly sent off a text. "Yes. Dinner. I'm in. I'll already be in the U Street/Logan Circle area meeting a friend earlier. So... 9:15 somewhere around there?" He immediately responded "9:15-perfect. What about Commissary?" "Love it!" I said. "You've got yourself a date."

About 7 hours later I sent out another tweet...
"Out and about, but am I with #MrUnicorn?"

And I was.


andy said...

Classic case of a bird over thinking something that should have required no thought at all!

Toddy said...

Oh Andy you have nooooooooooo idea the kind of sanity it takes to be a girl and stabilize ourselves to function in the real world against our otherwise insanity...

jobo said...

If I saw the tweet, I would have also said no games, trust your gut. If you did NOT want to see him, don't, and if you did, and were free, DO. I didn't think it was presumptuous of him to ask 'last minute' as he just floated it by, in case you were. Not expecting it. Anyway, I am glad you went for it.

Toddy said...

jobo- while I dont want to completely jump on the absolutely no games ever bandwagon bc i'm no dating expert and maybe games do work or are fun or something, I will say that I think with someone who is really right for you and where there is a connection obviously there right off the bat, I think NOT playing games is what made me and Mr U so successful in our first weeks together and helped move things right along. Thanks for the comment. I'm glad I went for it too.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gawd, I'm so behind. I don't know how this happened!

I'm glad that you went out with him, you weren't busy and you wanted to see him! It would have been different if he was always wanting to see you on the fly, at his convenience... but that's not the case.

Sounds to me like he just wanted to see you, plain and simple.

We girls are freaking nutjobs when it comes to overthinking men, aren't we? Good grief.

Meppers said...

Glad you went for it! I think you made the right decision. Spontaneity is fun and happens too seldomly these days.

Toddy said...

Mepper- i think that's true! I think its why i was so against it at first. Glad I stopped being a spaz long enough to go for it.