Sunday, January 2, 2011

A Date with a Unicorn Pt1: Asked Out on First Date

So my last post was a little "I'm in high school and I have a crazy intense, obsessive crush on some new guy." I know. Scary. I got one comment from a reader telling me "not to get ahead of myself." And she was absolutely right. Except the truth is, I never get ahead of myself. In that, I never like anyone. Like ever. I'd rather put in the hours at work to impress my boss, go for a run, drink with friends or sleep then date. I just don't care that much. I'm the one that refuses first dates or second dates or sleeping with someone after a long time or no time because I'm just not that into them. Some friends says its because I'm still not over THE GUY and I say its because moving back to DC, starting a new job as a lawyer and creating a whole new life and making new friends and being in the same city with my parents again has been EXHAUSTING. And...while I've dated lots of guys in the last year, one guy for 3 months, even- I haven't been that crazy about anyone.

So I asked my friend D if she thought I was being too optimistic about MPC (My Potential Unicorn) and getting too excited- basically setting myself up for a major letdown. And she said: "Get excited! What's so bad about being excited? And so what if it sucks later. Let future T worry about that. Just feel good now."

Whether mentally sound advice or not, I'll take it. I haven't liked anyone in a long time. Like really really liked someone and felt they had potential. Every guy in the last year has been a placeholder; someone to fill the void for one reason or another. So when I spend one night talking to someone and then find myself weaving into the next lane on Rock Creek Parkway because my mind wandered to our NYE kiss then trust me Ive got it bad and this is a good thing for a workaholic, commitmentphobe like me. It is.

At the end of the night on NYE he told me he would call me. He did. The next day. He told me he would ask me out. And he did. We're getting drinks on Tuesday. All in all, this is a very promising start.

Which got me thinking, it's been so long since I dated a mature, adult man that I'm not sure how to do it anymore. Let's just say I hate games. Which should be a given but a lot of people like the games and the drama and the chase and being chased. I don't. I don't understand it. Maybe being in a position of power and being on an equal intellectual, financial, professional level with men in the legal arena has made it become harder and harder for me to pretend to be all coy and giggly and crap. If I agree to date you, I just want to spend time with you. See if I think you're cool and interesting. See if we get along. See if you feel the same about me. If so, great. We'll keep hanging out then till its no fun anymore.

But we have to make things so complicated don't we? For example, MPC called me at 2:15 this afternoon and left a message. I wanted to call him back right away, a No Games Girl as I am, but D and A told me to wait. So I called back at 4:30 and I left a message. Then he got back to me around 9. I would've liked to have called him back right away but of course I had to wait and now it's too late to call so I'll have to find an appropriate time tomorrow. Because you--Can't seem too desperate. Can't be too interested. Let him chase you. But the thing is, I'm not desperate. Lots of people can't be alone or lots of girls out there are dying to get married and procreate but Not.Me. And I don't want to call any guy back right away because I just have to talk to him right now or Ill die. No, instead I'm just Type A. And I'm tied to my phone. I get every phone call, text, email, tweet immediately and I make it a point to respond right away. Else my ADD brain will forget. Or Ill worry. I like to cross things off my list. Im a doer. A planner. Ugh.

If that werent enough, he suggested two different bars for drinks in Dupont this week. Neither of them really appeal to me. But am I supposed to insist he pick or pick one of his two options to be nice? Or can I honestly say, "Ooh I've been dying to try..." or "Let's go to_______, its my fave?" and then it gets me thinking what makes a better first date? Some place totally chill? One tweep suggested 15c wings at Big Hunt. Okay, so true - things absolutely definitely don't get much more casual and relaxed than that. But since we are old aquaintances meeting after years and I think I want a place that'll foster the rosy glow of old memories and a hint of a new romance and not the sight of me with ranch dressing on my chin to take its place. But then I thought, if we went somewhere too nice it might feel forced. Like we are trying too hard.

If you can't tell from the entirety of this post already, I'm nervous. Really nervous. The best I can do is just do my best to try to play it cool and not blow this thing. I promise.

But in thinking about when to call and where to meet up, something great occurred to me. This will not go badly. No matter what. It can't. It can't because I can't wait to sit down next to this person again. To just talk. About whatever. Isn't that just the best?

After all, he's a good man. I know he is. Which is why he gets to be a Unicorn. This isn't some random I met at a bar who asked for my number. This is an old aquaintance. True, maybe we were never close, but we did grow up in the same neighborhood, we've had similar upbringings and I know the kind of life and friends he's chosen for himself. I know enough. He's sweet. And kind.

So we'll have a chat. Over a cocktail. And it'll be fine.

That's the great thing about a date with a real live unicorn. Its special just to spot one. Even if you can't be with it for very long.

Wish me luck and Cheers,
T.

15 comments:

IntrigueMe said...

Whoa, you are making this way more complicated than it needs to be! I'm very much like you in wanting to call back right away (I am glued to my blackberry after all, it's not like I don't see right away that he called), so I have this new rule, and it is this: I am blunt. I am direct. That's me. If a guys going to make it with me then he needs to be okay with this. So, if I'm not busy I'm going to respond right away if I want to. If I am busy, I'll wait. Simple. I just decided to be real and cut the crap.

It's a new rule, and I'm still single so no word yet on the probabilities of this working.

Good luck! xoxo

Toddy said...

IntrigueMe- of course I'm making it too complicated!! I'm a girl. We do that. But I could've lied and been like, oh I am just as cool as a cucumber. But instead I was honest about my nervousness and insecurity and overanalysis of the situation. On the other hand, about 17 years of playing "games" with men does turn us all a little crazy. Thanks for the comment and continued support. And kudos to you for being who you are and expecting people to accept that. Cheers, T.

Sassy Marmalade said...

I second the "whoa"! It's great to be excited and I'm happy for you! But maybe you are overthinking this all a bit. I never recommended cynicism, nor caution or practicality. Just ... normalcy. It's fun to get excited, but almost impossible to meet expectations when you set them so high. Or things can fizzle quickly after a fast start. I don't expect you to take it, but my advice nonetheless is to take a couple of deep breaths. :)

Toddy said...

Sassy- Breath, breath, breath...
hah. Wow ladies you are tough on me today. Suspension of disbelief. Storytelling. Romance. Honesty. Get with the program please! Thanks for your comments just the same. and IntrigueMe I think its great that you won't compromise. Be yourself! and Cheers, T.

Sassy Marmalade said...

Awww, I give my advice with love! But I'll step back and just read, smile and nod for now. Good luck with the unicorn! :)

Toddy said...

Sassy- Absolutely all your comments and all your sage advice is welcome when it comes to my blog. Thanks for being such a good blog/twitters friend and for calling me on my crap. Cheers, T.

Anonymous said...

I'm new to your blog (love it) and newly single, so everything you are writing about is fascinating to me. I'm excited that you're excited about unicorn man and I hope you have a good time.

Toddy said...

Oh my dear "Anonymous" bloggers. I can't blame you for being anonymous. Hell Im anonymous. But- by not even having a pen name you've given me nothing to work with to assure me you arent my brother, ex-bf, enemy or potential date. Paranoid, indeed I am. Still, I love being told You love my blog and are fascinated by it. Music to my ears! If theres anything in particular you want me to write about or do let me know. You never know. Thanks for reading. Its not all Gold, but sometimes I get it right. Cheers, T.

A single girl... said...

Toddy,

Wow, you and I might be the same person. Right down to both being lawyers and never being that into guys we date. And having to play the game with the guys we do like but not wanting to. Glad you are following me and I am following you! Goodluck with the date...

WashingTina said...

You are me! This is exactly the kind of thought process I would go through EVERY SINGLE TIME! But I agree with the good advice (paraphrased) to chill out! :) I hope it all goes well. Try not to over-think it. And have fun...

Meppers said...

All I have to say is this: You do have to play the game, sorry. I'm kind of a pro-dater at this point, and my biggest downfall is being too opinionated about where to go, when he should call, when we should go out, etc. right at the beginning. Besides, it's good to get a feel of what kind of guy he is by where he takes you, how he orders, if he pays, when he calls, etc. I don't go out with a guy twice if waits too long to call or takes me to a seedy place first date. Make the date classy and make me feel like a lady, and no matter how you look or how dorky you are, I will go out with you again. But bottom line, have fun, be excited and a little nervous, and enjoy the attention!

Toddy said...

WashingtonTina and Meppers, always good to hear from you ladies. I definitely value your opinions. You'll be happy to know that I have chilled out as you advise Tina specifically BECAUSE the Unicorn is treating me so well and classy and contacting me frequently in reasonable time periods and planning good dates and paying and taking me to nice places and making me feel GREAT about myself. Cheers, T.

Katherine said...

I feel like a horrible blog friend for just reading this now, but I've got reasons. My currently jaded heart is very skeptical of emotions like this at the moment, but I am so happy that you are feeling them and that I see the posts are up to 11!

I will get through them all as I can and I hope your excitement helps bring back the hopeless (interesting, I just typoed that as hopeful) romantic in me!

Yay for smiling and the Unicorns that make that happen!

Toddy said...

Kat- thanks for commenting n wanting to get caught up. Sorry to hear your heart is jaded. Eff the mf thats responsible. That said, the Unicorn posts will come to and end shortly, probably part 12-14 at most n then ill go back n write about 4 yrs of illness, bad dates, firings, brokeness and family troubles. After all, the happy stuff gets old and nauseating FAST. However, Mr. U is real and how we got together in these posts really did happen. And if I do say so myself...its a really good story! So enjoy and FYI the story really begins one post before this with "New Year, New Man." thanks again for the support and cheers, T.

chandra said...

This is too was refreshing!
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