Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk


So yeah, don't cry over spilled milk. But I say DO cry over SPOILED MILK.

This morning, I thumped down the stairs in my pre-coffee coma per usual. Make a pot of coffee large enough to accommodate all my roommates' caffeination needs. Per usual. I'm more frequently than not the first one up and I'm happy to do it. Of course.

I prepare my coffee with little care (I'm not awake as I have not had my coffee). I pour a cup about 3/4ths full. Fill to top with skim milk. There you go...

I curl up in a chair to read the Style section of the Washington Post and begin sipping my coffee. At this point in time, I barely have any sensory signals shooting off in my brain, until the beans have done their business. I might as well be a mannequin.

My two roommates come down the stairs. One goes over to the computer. The other gets coffee for them both and takes a mug over to her. "No milk?" the receiving roommate asks. "Are we out of milk? I thought I saw some?" "Well there is milk," the giving roommate replies. "But I'm pretty sure it's gone bad."

"Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!!!" I gasp incredulously. "The milk has gone baaaaaaaaaaad?" I stand up abruptly, march over to the refrigerator and pick up the milk to inspect it. Yes. It is bad. It is very very very bad. I go to dump the milk down the drain and my roommate says "Don't throw it out just yet." "Um, excuse me...." I say. "Why wouldn't we throw it out?" "Let's not throw it out until we've replaced it with a new one," is his reply.

Um. Okaaaaaaaaaaay. No. Okay, just no. (Which is not what I say, but it is what I'm thinking). But I do say....

"Um, how about we pour the milk down the drain when it goes bad and make a note to get some more, instead of leaving it in the fridge for our unsuspecting roommate to drink in the morning. How bout that?" (I'm more than a little peeved. My anger only increases as I see the white lumpy chunks of sour milk protrude from the plastic jug. I think I'm going to be sick.) "I really can't believe you would leave that in there for me to drink."

I pour out my mug filled with coffee and nasty ass milk. Put my mug in the dishwasher and then walk over to the pot to get a new cup and fresh coffee. I shake my head and mutter something like "ugh" and then sigh long and breathy and audible.
And then I'm asked the unthinkable: "So you''ll pick up some milk then on your way home from work?" my roommate asks hopefully.
(Really???????? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Reallly!!!!!!!!! F. M. L. Just fml).

Some days are just like this I guess. Some days....Hoping yours started off better and cheers (to unspoiled beverages),


T.

8 comments:

J said...

Ha! Gotta love having roomies. Pretty ballsy to ask you to pick up some new milk, especially so early in the morning during your crankypants period (I suffer from this too, hardcore).

Toddy said...

It wasn't so much the asking MOI to pick up the milk. I usually don't mind stuff like that. But it was asking MOI to pick it up AFTER leaving in said gross old milk for god knows how long (days??) so that MOI would be the victim of drinking it just moments before. Thanks for the comment J. Bout to check your site. Hoping there is an update of first date Cameron. -T.

Jolene said...

Gag! That is so gross! That would drive me nuts too, and to be out of milk for my coffee would enrage me further ;-)

vvk said...

It's because of things like this that I've put off finding a room mate... but really, I should get started on that. blah.

DefJamDemocrat said...

One of my roommates always loses the cap to him milk. Drives me nuts! I'm always afraid it'll spill all over the fridge & destroy everything! Sorry about your morning!

Storm. Kat Storm. said...

I'm really, really, really glad I don't have a roommate.

you have to admire his balls in the whole situation, though. What a doucher.

Francisco Castelo Branco said...

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Toddy said...

Wow. You guys are great readers to continue to put up with me when I write about writer's block and spoiled milk. I promise to post more interesting reads as soon as I can. I think the whole Date with a Unicorn series really sucked all my best creative oomphs for awhile. But until I find some new source of inspiration I'm going to try to post as much as I can about SOMETHING or other to keep the fingertips and noggin fully oiled and ready to go when genius strikes...

In response to your posts about not wanting or not having roommates for this reason, just consider the amount of money you would save and it going straight to your enormous student loan debt or to those new shoes you want to buy or that trip you want to take and that spoiled milk takes on a whole less annoying meaning. Cheers, T.