This blog is not about you. This blog is about me.
I wrote a post (which I've now removed). Saying I wanted to ramble about some crazy lovesick thoughts in my head. Saying whoever read should proceed with caution and compassion and explicitly asking them not to tell me I was crazy or wrong or weird or overthinking it.
And what did I get?
A comment: "Dude. You need to calm down. Go hang with friends or something."
It was the exact opposite of what I specifically wanted or needed to hear. You don't think I have friends? Lots of them! And exercise. And spend time with family. And cook. And pay bills. And work all day. It's not like I sit around all day pining for my boyfriend freaking out about shit. Maybe a freak out lasts 5 minutes. But then I write about it in detail and it gives the impression it lasted all day or all week or all month.
This blog used to be a haven. I could write whatever, whenever, to whomever. Because no one really read me. No one noticed. Most of the time. But then sometimes I'd get solidarity or helpful advice or support from others who seemed to understand. Or a laugh from other blogs I read. But now it feels like I'm being judged at every turn. And told I worry too much. I did this wrong. I said that wrong. I'm crazy. Someone who has never met me tells me to "go hang out with friends or something" like thats going to help me deal with some very real and raw emotions.
It makes me want to quit writing. Because sometimes, when you all read me, and think you know me, and say things that hurt my feelings, it makes this blog a prison. And a burden. And no fun anymore. And not very useful. And makes me want to shut it down, and find a better use for my time. Like hanging out with friends or something.