Thursday, March 10, 2011

THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT YOU

This blog is not about you. This blog is about me.

I wrote a post (which I've now removed). Saying I wanted to ramble about some crazy lovesick thoughts in my head. Saying whoever read should proceed with caution and compassion and explicitly asking them not to tell me I was crazy or wrong or weird or overthinking it.

And what did I get?

A comment: "Dude. You need to calm down. Go hang with friends or something."

It was the exact opposite of what I specifically wanted or needed to hear. You don't think I have friends? Lots of them! And exercise. And spend time with family. And cook. And pay bills. And work all day. It's not like I sit around all day pining for my boyfriend freaking out about shit. Maybe a freak out lasts 5 minutes. But then I write about it in detail and it gives the impression it lasted all day or all week or all month.

This blog used to be a haven. I could write whatever, whenever, to whomever. Because no one really read me. No one noticed. Most of the time. But then sometimes I'd get solidarity or helpful advice or support from others who seemed to understand. Or a laugh from other blogs I read. But now it feels like I'm being judged at every turn. And told I worry too much. I did this wrong. I said that wrong. I'm crazy. Someone who has never met me tells me to "go hang out with friends or something" like thats going to help me deal with some very real and raw emotions.

It makes me want to quit writing. Because sometimes, when you all read me, and think you know me, and say things that hurt my feelings, it makes this blog a prison. And a burden. And no fun anymore. And not very useful. And makes me want to shut it down, and find a better use for my time. Like hanging out with friends or something.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't stop writing! I like your blog. I've never commented before, but this is an emergency! I'm also in the early stages of a relationship and love seeing that I'm not the only girl who freaks out and feels crazy sometimes. There will always be people who don't get it and it's a challenge not to let them get to you, but please don't stop posting!

suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] said...

What anonymous said. This is your place to write about whatever you want to, and if it's throwing your feelings all out there, do it. No need to put a disclaimer on it.

vvk said...

*hugs*

You had some lines in your original post that I really love: "To be honest with myself. To figure out some stuff. The crazy stuff in my head. The emotions I don't understand. The humanity that won't be still or silent." "The humanity that won't be still or silent." Beautiful. Thank you.

With regards to this post, this sort of thing happens both in real life and online... and sometimes it's easier to take in person than online... but other times it's the opposite.

Do what you're gut tells you is right for you at the moment. If you do decide to close things down, I wish you the best and thank you for what you have shared with me.

Allison said...

That's the tricky thing about blogging. If it were only for yourself, you'd write it in a diary, not the internet. It's hard to gauge how people will react to things, but you run the risk of a reaction you don't like when you put your business out there for all the world to see. But if you enjoy blogging, keep doing it. If you don't, don't.

Sarah said...

You're famous! Congratulations!

Every GOOD blog has haters. Think of it that way. :P

Jolene said...

Please don't quit and let that person get under your skin. It is so hard not to, especially where the comment was totally offbase to the point of your post. It was still in my Google Reader, and I loved every word of it. I hope you repost it because it was great. To that guy, get a life.

PeachyKeen said...

i feel you. i'd hate to lose one of my faves but personally, i've decided to take a much less transparent approach to my blog as well. i initially wanted the public format to feel pressured into doing better... in all areas of my life. but eventually, it just started to feel weird and creepy.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

You can't pick your commenters. Or rather, you can, but you can't advertise a blog to the world and then hope you only get a prescribed type of comment in return. Lots have tried and stomped and cried. It doesn't work. If you don't want comments, Blogger has a function to turn them off per post.

What you described in your last post was the moment you fall in love and feel shit scared because you know that from this point in, you will be really fucking hurt if it doesn't work out.

And you know what I personally do when I feel scared like that, even if it's just for a fleeting 5 minutes of the day? I make an arrangement to see a friend. Arrange something unconnected to that person. Because love is really scary and by distancing yourself from it, you then know that even if things did go tits up, if you'll excuse the very British term, then you'll survive.

My point is, although some people don't phrase comments very well - some of them have a point.

Celebrities complain about it all the time "You don't know the real me" - no, we only know what we read.

Toddy said...

Eh - you guys know I'm not going anywhere - I was just feeling vulnerable and annoyed and having a little girly rant. After all, that is what I do. No? The blog is where I dump "MY CRAZY" so no one in real life has to deal with it. But even online, we all still want to be understood - like for real you know? Thanks for the support and constructive criticism. T.

freckledk said...

I am absolutely certain that she didn't mean it as a slag in any way; she was just saying 'it's all good, don't drive yourself crazy. distract yourself until the feeling passes. the dude likes you. it's all good.' And I agree with her.

But easier said than done, right? Sometimes typing it all out is way more cathartic than telling a girlfriend about it over margaritas or sweating it out on the pavement. This is your medium. Use it. But, again, I think that comment was intended to be a pep talk.

Vittoria said...

i don't like this. but i know what you mean. whatever you decide, i know it will be the right decision (not shutting down the blog!!!!!!!! but you know. closing up some).

Rachel said...

Sarah is right - every good blog has haters. You can't let someone like that get you down. They don't get it, and if you let them affect your writing and what you post, they will always win. Put that post back up.

And I'm behind on commenting lately, but I'm still reading. Please don't stop writing, fully and completely from your heart.

IntrigueMe said...

Some people say really insensitive things, and that's a risk we take when we put our thoughts and feelings on the internet.

I hope you can disregard that comment and move on with your blogging, because I love it- and you this should be your space to put it all out there. Your "safe space" as I call it.

Keep writing. I won't judge you. :)