Monday, May 2, 2011

I Ran into the EX....

And I. am. winning. WINNING!!!!!

Holy shit. Seriously.

Its like 9:15am on a Monday and I have work to get to. Like for realz. But...this is just too awesome not to impart to all my ladies out there who may need a beginning of the week boost of hope and awesomeness...

So - I don't know if I mentioned this before but I work ACROSS THE STREET from my EX (aka David, aka Mr. U or Mr. Unicorn - ack - barf - yeah right). I eat my lunch on a lovely rooftop every day. Only problem - I have to stare at his fuckin lair right across the street spoiling the ambiance. It blows.

My walk to and from the metro and work is his walk to and from his apartment and his work. So for two weeks I've been looking over my shoulder every second. Wondering if I was going to see him. Hoping I DONT see him. Hoping I DO see him. What if he was on a date? What if he was holding hands with some other fucking girl walking her to work like we used to do together? I was mortified and petrified and angry and sad and a total paranoid freak running around thinking I saw him anywhere and everywhere. Every morning. Every lunch break. Every evening. Totally psychotic nightmarish misery.

Then...this morning. I was walking from the metro. I totally forgot he existed. (At least for the moment I had). I was texting funny messages back and forth with my coworker B, on my way to work. She was already there and I was filling her in on the weekend.

And I look over to the right to check the traffic at an intersection and there he is. THERE HE FUCKING IS!!! The first time I wasn't looking for him and there he was. And I laughed. Out loud. Because OF COURSE. Because OF COURSE the one minute I let my guard down, there he was.

And I thought of avoiding him. I thought of changing course to work. I wondered if he saw me and was pretending to ignore me or whether he hadn't seen me at all. And I somehow decided this was it - I was going to run into him - ON PURPOSE - and get back my sanity. And my independence. And my freedom.

So I walked on, until we were next to each other AT THE SAME FUCKING CROSSWALK. Waiting for the light to turn so we could cross the street. And he stood next to me.

"Hey," I said nonchalantly. "Good morning."

"Oh! Hey!" he said as surprised to see me as I had been.

And then my coworker B sent me a text that was HILARIOUS and I looked at it and laughed.

"You seem to be in a good mood this morning," he said staring at me.

"Yeah," I said. "I am. I'm good."

"Thanks for my stuff," he said. (I didn't mention it but I dropped his shit off in a plastic bag on his doorstep in the middle of the day on Saturday. Good riddins).

"No problem," I replied casually. "I just didn't want anything of yours lying around."

I got another text from B and laughed one more time. "Take care," I said as easy breezy as a Covergirl, waving my hand in the air with my folded up newspaper. I walked across the street away from him and smiled down ahead.

He had LOOKED LIKE SHIT. He looked tired. and sad. And I - did not. I don't know if I'm winning or not (really), since I love him. And miss him. And he fucked with me. But again. he. looked. like. shit. tired. and. sad. And I did not. I'm definitely not losing. And you know what...he just looked like some guy. It's sort of tragic really - because its like he was a stranger. Like none of it every happened. But Life goes on...because it must. And since I must go along with it...I'll do it and win.



Andy said...

I wish you had burned his shit. Fuck that king douche.

Paulette said...

This brings me MORE hope this morning than the news of a dead terrorist. I LOVE this story!!

Jolene said...

Nicely done. I guess the one thing I am still confused about is...why did he dump you? Did I somehow miss that in your posts or did you purposely glaze over those deets?

suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] said...

yay! good for you! :D happy Monday!

freckledk said...

I'll bet you a margarita he's going to be in touch with you very, very soon. I'm sure your easy-breezyness will stick in his craw, and he'll begin to question his actions and convince himself that he wants you back.

This is the sticky bit: he doesn't. Not really. Not in the long-term, anyway. The breakup regret is a wonderful thing to the person who has been dumped, but it's best to keep your guard up and resist the urge to accept any offers of reconciliation, even though you may want to. Look at it this way: if he wants you now, he'll be willing to wait the three months or so it takes to prove it to you that he's not going anywhere again. If he can't do that, you're better off mourning the end of the relationship now, rather than prolonging the inevitable.

Toddy said...

Andy- here's the thing...I considered burning his shit. Or throwing it in a dumpster. Or selling some of it on ebay. But then I realized the BEST THING I COULD DO was to be the bigger person. And to be the nice, considerate person I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE regardless of whether he is in my life or not or wants to be with me or not. By returning his shit - I'm bigger, better, nicer - WINNING. you see?

Paulette- thank you! thank you! for sharing in my euphoria. I can just tell you understand and that. is. everything!
Ding dong the ex is dead, the ex is dead, the mean old ex AND SO IS OSAMA BIN LADEN. whee!

Jolene- Thanks for the continued support girl but WHY YOU GOTTA RAIN ON MY PARADE? The reason he dumped me has been too painful to write about. But since I"m feeling better maybe more deets soon. No - you didn't miss anything. It hasn't been said yet...

suki-thanks chica!

freckledk- thanks for the thoughtful, detailed comment. However, I think its funny that you would actually think he'd change his mind about wanting me back after one, single confident encounter on my part. It'll never happen. He's rigid. And determined. And stubborn. Once he's made up his mind about something -important- that's that. So yeah, he won't be back. He doesn't want to be with me. Which sucks. But if he were stupid enough to think he did, I definitely wouldn't take his piece of shit, cold, heartless, skinny ass back. And that - IS indeed - that.

Cheers to you all,

Kissing and Other Disasters said...

I'm so happy for you. this is like the perfect moment and I'm glad you ran into him on a good/high note!

I wouldn't have burnt his stuff but I at least would have waited to leave it on his doorsteps when it was raining.

Toddy said...

ooooh Kissing and other and Andy are bad bad bad!!! I do like the way you think. I am no stranger to -"if he had a car I would slash his tires" thoughts, but then I come back down to earth and realize that would be a bad reflection on me and not him. Living well is the best revenge. And/or Revenge is a dish best served cold. Take your pick...Thanks for the continued reading and support. -T.

Andrew said...

It's the looking good *AND* living well in combination that's the real winner. If I were him, I know that would really kill me and have me feeling quite the fool.

Good for you on the win!

Toddy said...

Andrew - totally true! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I clicked on your name/link and didn't know you had a blog! New reader? First time commenter? But no, I'm on your blog reel/roll. So thanks! I'll have to catch up on your blog and check it out. Hopefully you'll comment more on the future and thanks for reading and supporting what I have to say. It ain't all pretty, but its all real. (mostly :-))


IntrigueMe said...

Hey, good for you!! I'm so happy for how you're handling this! It's awesome that you had the balls to walk right up to him and show him that you were doing good.

Toddy said...

IntrigueMe- thanks for that. I hadn't really thought of it that way. You are RIGHT!!! It would have been so much easier for me to just run and hide. Duck into a starbucks or turn up a different street and walk a different way/add a block to my route and just avoid him. I wouldn't say I'm doing "great". And I wouldn't say he wouldn't wish me to be "great". If anything i think he probably feels better. He's not a bad person and he probably felt bad he hurt me. But no matter what it WAS important that I was still strong and okay and wasn't going to run away or let him send me to pieces. T.

Clicking Frogs said...

That is awesome! My luck would have been running into him when I left the house looking and feeling my worst.

Jessica said...

I am so glad my ex lives in a different country so I never have to deal with this!

Toddy said...

jessica- I hear ya. I kinda wish he would move to california for grad school already OR get hit by a car and die. I mean not really. but sorta. does that make me a bad person? oh well.

clickingfrogs- yeah i'm sure I'll run into him ugly too. at least the first run-in didn't happen that way.