Guest Post by Andy White
I went in open-minded, excited, ready to be debonair, suave and funny. I remained this way even after she rolled in 15 minutes late and withnot one, not two, but three comrades in tow.
I guess it didn't help matters when she announced that she was 22. Ihad put her anywhere from 26-33 when I met her briefly Saturday night.This age difference was immediately reinforced when she revealed shehad yet to set foot in a wine bar and was seemingly pleased with this achievement.
I pressed on. I tried gamely. Full charm offensive. Her expressionchanged from stoic to glum to nonplussed no matter when was thrown ather. It was as though she had been used to staccato-like sentencesfrom her 22-year-old brethren and that anything more caused undue painto compute.
After an hour of this, she announced that she wanted to see 'what her friends were doing'. Her friends were sitting 6 feet behind us, but nevertheless we turned and moved to sit with them to discover exactlywhat it was that they were doing. And thus began a period of elegantly excruciating awkwardness. She immediately turned her full and complete attention to said friends, refusing to even look in my general direction.
Her friends gamely engaged me in conversation and I madethe best of it, but what became apparent to the point ofridiculousness was that she was either completely and socially ineptto the point of retardation, or she genuinely found me repellent andlikened her friends' banal dialogue to be the stuff of Noel Coward.
For the second hour, the hour with the three friends, the three friends I was still slightly surprised to see sitting right there,right now, with me, we probably exchanged but 20 words.
At the conclusion, the friends looked at me cap in hand: they wanted me to pay.
You couldn't make it up.