Monday, April 25, 2011

Post Breakup: Day 2

You aren't going to like this. That I behaved so poorly. But here goes it...

So I got drunk. Really drunk. After a mimosa brunch and nothing to eat. At 12pm on Sunday I hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours, but I did manage to down about 6 mimosas. Then I headed to meet some friends. Who didn't know that David was history. Literally.

"Let's get you drunk," they said.

"I'm already drunk," I said.

"More drunk?" they asked.

"I like your thinking," I replied.

And so I proceeded to get drunk. Really drunk. Beer after beer after beer kinda drunk. And then I came up with the greatest idea ever....

"Let's go to Camelot!!!" I ordered.

It was my day after all. Who could deny me? This was better than a birthday.

So myself and a caravan of friends headed to the strip club.

We got a table in front and I started pounding Rum and cokes. Delicious misery.

The Math Teacher is a guy in my group of mutual friends who was with us this night. He teaches children math - so I consider him pretty harmless. And he looked tall and cute with his full head of hair. After David who is short and balding (but don't get me wrong still handsome give me some credit), tall and a full head of hair was exactly what I needed.

"You'll be okay," The Math Teacher said.

"What I need," I responded, "is to be a guy."

"Come again?" he countered.

"You guys just start hooking up with another woman. Get over one person by getting under another. Why is it that girls pine away for seven months alone crying and weeping and feeling pathetic while guys just move on to the next piece of ass? It's not fair. I wanna post-breakup like a guy. I want to be with another guy as soon as possible. Just get it out of the way. Put another guy between me and David and start moving on. Now. What do you think?"

"What do you mean what do I think?"

Now for the record - I have never been this slutty in my life. Ever. But I was drunk. And I was sad. And I was determined.

"I think I wanna go home with you," I told him. "Really?" he said.

"Yes. But you have to do something for me..."

"What's that?"

"I need to feel beautiful. And SEXY."

"But you are beautiful. And sexy," he seemed to answer honestly.

"Tell me I'm beautiful and sexy as many times as possible. And I won't regret it."

"Okay," he said staring sincerely back at me.

Now some of my friends have thought this whole thing was stupid and bad. And that The Math Teacher was taking advantage of me in my weakened state. But I wholeheartedly knew what I was doing. I'm a big girl. I'm 28. I knew what I was doing. And it was my idea and my decision.

The Math Teacher began grabbing my leg under the table. And holding my hands. And brushing my arm. None of my friends noticed at first. It felt soooo good to be touched by someone else. Anyone else. Other than...

And I did go home with him. And he did tell me I was beautiful. And sexy. Maybe a hundred times. And I felt beautiful. And sexy. That other men would want me. And I would want them.

In the morning I laughed thinking about it all again. Blushing to myself. I couldn't believe I had done that. That was sooo not me. And it was stupid and ridiculous and really not all that great. But it was kind of silly and liberating and shocking. And made me laugh. And three days after a break-up, a little self-confidence and a little laughter couldn't be so bad. It had made me sad, because it wasn't nearly as good as when I was with someone I was truly attracted to -inside and out-and someone I cared about- like him. I would rather have been with him. But it made me feel beautiful. And sexy. And wanted. And a tiny bit of the memory of him had been blurred a little further in the past.

Judge me if you will, but it is what it is. And I don't feel as bad about it, as maybe I should.



C said...

Im glad you don't feel bad about it. You were honest with yourself and him about what you wanted and your expectations. You were self aware about your choice, didnt expect it to feel the same or "heal" you, and you went through that healthy post breakup moment of knowing you're going to be desirable (and find someone else desirable). It sounds like even if you wouldn't do it again, it was a positive expirence :) you're definitely in my thoughts.

Betsy said...

I think it's a great thing to do! It sounds like you are not the type to make a habit out of it... so it sounds like it was just what you needed! Great work. :)

Anonymous said...

Long time reader, first time commenter.

I fully support this!! I had a terrible break-up with a long-term BF. I was unable to function for weeks, until I decided this was stupid and I needed to get over it - so I turned on the party girl inside of me, had a couple random one-night-stands and suddenly I had my mojo back. I think it's just that empowering reminder that we as women are sexy and awesome, and more than capable of taking care of ourselves and getting who and what we want. It's a power trip after something as emotionally devastating as being dumped, and (not to get all philosophical on our roles in society), it's something that we are always taught to repress, i.e. the fact we are supposed to feel like "sluts" if we exercise our power to get a man in bed.

So YES YES YES, from my own experience - safe, consensual hook-ups with random people are an awesome way to get over a break-up, and get back to functioning in society again.

Best of luck!

freckledk said...

Men aren't the only ones who employ the whole "getting under to get over" strategy. I'm glad that you are looking back on the incident with at least a little bit of a giggle. xo

Jolene said...

I don't judge you at all. I applaud the bravery for posting it here. I imagine that was one hell of a hangover though. Youch.

andy said...

I am not judging you. Of course not. I am, however, judging this school teacher cunt for taking advantage of you completely and utterly when you were at your very lowest ebb. I don't give two fucks if you asked him to take you home. He knew your situation and should've placed you in a cab and sent you back. Solo. Props also to your 'friends' who let this creature take advantage of you in this fashion. He seriously needs to be slapped like a red-headed stepchild.

Susanlee said...

Please, I think it was exactly the right decision. It's good to have friends who are available for post break up sex. who will make you feel pretty and sexy and wanted after some jerk made you doubt those things aobut yourself. As long as it was fun and safe, it's good. As cheesy as the song is, sexual healing is a real thing.

vvk said...

I'm with andy on this... though I'm not sure I would have put it quite that way.

It's not that there is anything inappropriate about you having sex with him... it's that a guy should never have sex with a drunk person with whom he doesn't have a pre-existing relationship that governs such things. Come home with a your drunk wife and have sex, probably okay. Come home with a drunk woman you just bought a drink for for the first time - probably not okay.

That said, if you're fine with it, who am I to judge. If it works for you, then it works for you. Just be safe.

Appealing Kate said...

I hooked up with a tall and handsome man less than a week after my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years dumped me. And I was only a teeny bit drunk. I fully enforce the post-break up hook up. And its not slutty so you stop that silly, nonsense talk.

IntrigueMe said...

Hahaha! GOOD FOR YOU!!

Nothing wrong with a piece of rebound ass!

Storm. Kat Storm. said...

I don't judge. I wish that I had had the balls to go out and do that after BW dumped me... but I was too scared. So I'm proud of you, and I'm toasting to you, She Who Is Brave Enough To Remember This Was Not The End of The World.

Anonymous said...

"We could be that mistake!"

Toddy said...

WOW DEE DOW. I knew this would be a controversial post. Thanks to everyone for all the comments.

C-Thanks for supporting my actions. And helping me rationalize them/sound better. :-)

Betsy- love love loved your comment! The tone of it somehow just validated me. Thanks!

Anonymous#1- Thank you! Thank you! for commenting for the first time. Please make it a habit! Though you could use your initial of your name or a fake name or something so that way in the future I"ll know you are a regular commenting. So it sounds like you are saying I should go on a rebound rampage? Considering it! Truly...considering it!

freckledk- love any time you comment. been meaning to catch up on your blog. They always make me feel hopeful and comforted.

Jolene- I can't believe I wrote about this on this public blog either!!!!! Maybe I'm too emotional to think straight or maybe I'm just starting to GET REAL...

andy- you know I love that you are protective of me. But come on! Lighten up! It was a stupid silly hookup with a guy in my circle of friends who is harmless. Who treated me fine. i'm 28 years old not 16!

Susanlee- I have a feeling you are a real freak. And I kinda like it! Thanks for the support.

vvk- again, I think you and Andy are acting like I was raped or something. I basically told someone they were gonna make me feel better AND THEY DID. So whats the problem? I do think you guys need to lighten up though I appreciate the consideration for being respectful and lawful and ethical towards drunken or vulnerable or just women in general.

A single girl and Intrigue Me-thanks for having my back ladies!

Toddy said...

Storm Kat Storm - I SAW YOU IN THE VIDEO YOU POSTED OF YOUR BREAKUP. You may be like me and built for comfort not for speed but you are gorgeous and sexy! get out there!

Toddy said...

In response to "Anonymous said...
"We could be that mistake!""


hmmm??? :-)

kellyalysia said...

First, maybe this is just me, but I feel like if you were "with it" enough to remember exactly what you said to this math teacher (who wasn't a stranger--sounds like he was a friend or mutual friend of some sort?) than I don't necessarily think you were SOO drunk that you didn't really want to get with this dude. I think you really did. Granted, hearing how much you drank, of course you were in a state that made you make advances and decisions you wouldn't have normally made. But. as long as you both were safe/used a condom and no lines were crossed (many would argue the fact that you were drunk means lines were therefore crossed--I'm not one of those people) I see nothing wrong with this--and frankly, I commend you for speaking openly about it and not being ashamed (you shouldn't be ashamed, if you are). Now, if you DO feel bad about it now (you shouldn't, but if you still do), let it serve as a lesson for the future just to avoid situations that could bring on that urge. Situations like... 48 hour fasts followed by daylong binges post-breakup ;) Seriously, been there, it's a recipe for disaster...or fun...or fun then disaster, but ultimately, too much risk for poor life decisions.

But seriously, I guess I don't 'encourage' hooking up with someone semi-random too close to the end of a past relationship IF you are doing so just because "guys do that kind of shit all the time" (not ALL do) or because you want to "get him back" (ultimately you then are still doing something because of him, and he is no longer allowed to hold any bearing on the decisions that you make.)

But it doesn't sound like that's the deal anyhow. It sounds like you were looking to get laid and feel sexy--and that's as normal as human feelings get. It happened and you're laughing and all is well and that's what's important. And it's really easy for someone to say, "you don't have to have sex to feel sexy!" But, yeah--easier said than done.

Anyhow, hope you're gettin' better every day and staying happy. It sucks when it ends, but it always gets better. xx