Sunday, August 22, 2010

Don't Nobody Else Get Crazy

A new female comedian I'm obsessed with is Angela Johnson a former Raiderette cheerleader who is simultaneously gorgeous while also being unpretentiously girl-next-door cute-as-a button. I would totally hate her if she wasn't so hilarious and seemingly nice. Check out a clip of her doing an impression of a ghetto flight attendant's introductory remarks to her passengers.


video

Speaking of nobody else getting crazy...Here's an update on 5 men who got a little rude and crazy with me this weekend.

1)Friday night a significantly attractive Marine who hit on me at Front Page Dupont (which I am really starting to not want to go to anymore because of douchebags like this) asked me to dance then asked me to have sex with him to which I replied: "Nah, I didn't really come out tonight to hookup with anyone. Sorry." To which he angrily replied: "Don't come to a 'hookup bar' unless you are here to hookup." Okay.

2)Saturday night drunk dial text at 1:35am from a former guy friend who got me really drunk a couple of weeks ago in order to trick me into having sex with him, which he'd been wanting to do for about 7 months, who won't stop calling me even though I clearly don't want to talk to him ever again. I wonder why?

3) Saturday night group drunk dial phone call and voicemail at 2:54am which said: "I am not dialing drunk. I am not dialing drunk. We are not dialing drunk." From the three guys who hit on me, Scarlett and Jersey at James Hoban (which is definitely a less-douchey, more chill, step up from Front Page). However, the one guy who talked to me for an hour was NOT the one who actually asked me for my number and then called me later, though the other boys were in the background. Did they think I was going to hookup with any of them let alone all three of them? Hmm.


4) My sort-of guy friend who I was having semi-obligatory brunch with this morning cancelled because he was way too hungover from last night. He didn't even remember how he got home. I understand that kind of hangover misery. But I was really looking forward to ACKC and since eHarmony has already established I'm an undateable bitch reject I might as well act like one so I can say for certainty this guy is ugly and awkard and he stood me up which is really saying something.


THE ONLY, AND I MEAN ONLY, THING THAT ANY MAN SAID TO ME THIS WEEKEND THAT MAKES ANY OF THIS ANY BETTER...is that a very very very gay man shouted out his car window last night that he loved my shoes. Fabulously green stilettos. Thank you very much.


So for now, slightly hungover, mildly depressed, full of ennui and wondering whether I should go eat eggs benedict and drink mimosas by myself, I can only advise other men in my wake not to get crazy...because I...WILL...CUT...YOU.

4 comments:

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

A 'hook up bar'? Someone actually used the term 'hook up bar"?

And they expected to get sex with a woman?

Ha. Oh, dear, me.

Toddy said...

Yes they actually used the term "hook up bar." And the saddest part is...most of the douches at Front Page on Saturday nights have a pretty fair shot at getting sex with women. Le sigh.

Mich said...

I never knew hook-up bars existed!

Okay, over here some clubs in various cities starting promoting nights they called 'Shag Tag'. The blurb:
"ShagTag is a unique and exciting concept that brings sexy, singletons together for a fun and unusual evening. Upon arrival each clubber is given a unique number and they can write and receive messages from other partygoers without the embarrassment of approaching them directly."

More aimed towards students, though. Can't say I'm convinced anyways lol

word verification: preds

as in predators. How apt!

Toddy said...

Shagtag eh? sounds like one hell of a meat market. I have to admit though, I'm the kind of a girl that wouldn't want to be with a guy who didn't have the confidence to simply say hi to me and start a conversation. but hey thats just me.