*Sorry it has been so long. But now I’m giving you a very long post. Try to read it all. Thank you to Phnx65, Christie, Sassy Marmalade and WashingtonTina for keeping me honest and pressing me to write. If you like what I have to say check out their blogs linked to their names above for some entertaining reads.*
Last time we left off with this single heroine, (as I like to think of myself), I was pondering whether or not to go on a Blind Date. And then I did indeed schedule my very first ever Blind Date. And because I fear the outcome might disappoint those anticipating the episode, I promise I will get to it, but first…
I’m sitting in my parent’s house bored stiff, waiting for the cable guy. Because nothing technological ever seems to work in my parent’s house and I, of course, because I’m younger and more tech savvy, (what a joke), have to handle it for them. I want to be a good daughter but still – ugh – kill me now. The cable guy should be here ANYTIME NOW, that is to say, between 11am and 2pm. Seriously? How in the eff do people in the service industry STILL get away with this? Can I just say that 3 hour appointment “windows” are Bull. $hit. But I digress…sort of.
I mean I am waiting on a man am I not? Yet again. A man to call. Or text or email or show up at my doorstep. Finally show up in my otherwise complete, fulfilling and happy life, for what? To fix something that’s wrong? Provide a service that I need/want/enjoy? Perhaps. But still- I have to wait for it. And PAY for it. And ask for it. And schedule it. And not know exactly when it’s gonna happen, if it will go smoothly, and even if it does work out whether or not things will work out in the long run. History would suggest that looks may fade, static could occur and total disconnection isn’t impossible and even probable. The question isn’t if the eventually glitches or problems and break downs in service will surface, it is only truly a matter of when. And then, I’ll need another man to appear and revamp the overhauled system. Or woman. (It could happen).
What I’m trying to say, as inarticulately as possible, is that I’m sick of men. Or at least sick of dating them. For awhile. I go through ebbs and flows of dating determination, deflation and defeat. Every few months or so. It’s not like I’m in a drought. On the contrary, I was hit on by several men just last night. I just don’t see the point. And I can’t seem to muster the optimism, gumption and fortitude that other serial single daters like my blog buddy DateMeDC tirelessly appears to do. Ad infinitum. I mean -6 guys in the mix! Sheesh girl! I think I did 5 guys once in the early months of year 2009. But that was almost 2 years ago. And I’m tired. Tired of texting, emailing, dating, drinking, flirting, kissing, facebooking, calling and being called by all the wrong men.
I don’t want you to think I’m being cynical. Or depressed. Or a quitter. The greatest thing I feel right now as I’m writing is this: I. Am. Happy. I mean, really and truly happy. I haven’t felt this great in so long. My family and I are in a really healthy, balanced, loving place. I feel like my mom, dad, big brother and grandmother are all really good friends. And though I haven’t been back in D.C. that long after my return move, I’ve started to develop solid relationships with some really cool, good people to spend free time with. Additionally, I’m in a stable place at work. Of course I’m still a peon attorney on the bottom rung of the ladder, but I sense I’m starting to get noticed and at least my intellectual curiosity is constantly being challenged and sated and the pay check is helping me FINALLY get a hold over my finances for the first time ever. And I love being back in my hometown. Moreover, my recent significant though short-lived health problems have reminded me to enjoy life and not take myself so seriously. Things are good. I am not cynical. I’m just, well…happy.
Every night, I stretch out over the whole of my $1000 (my most expensive possession except for my car and baby grand piano) Queen-sized, extra long, pillow-top mattress, immersed in blankets and plush pillows and I don’t have to share a single square with another. I sleep great. I’m not waiting for someone to call for our next date. I’m not wondering if he’s cheating on me. I’m not excited for when I’m supposed to see him next. I'm not trying to spice up our sex life or goading him to do the dishes or help me fix something or go to some bull shit event with me. I don't have to put up with his video game addiction or his friends who act like they're still pre-pubescent pissants. Instead, I do what I want when I want. I don’t have to check in with anybody. I don’t have to explain that the guy I had lunch with REALLY is JUST AN OLD FRIEND, the thought of whom sleeping with really would be awkward torture. Really. I’m just getting up and living my life and right now it’s enough. More than enough. And while sex is great, don’t get me wrong, and when I’m having it regularly it’s all I want and all I think about, I’ve found that being a long-distance runner, workaholic and alcoholic, that I can go long bouts of time without it and not feel all that deprived. There is also something to be said in the comfort of being a girl, and having the confident knowledge, that if I really really needed to get some, that no doubt I could find a man in less than a day who would help me itch that scratch. Just sayin'...
That said I don’t want to get any more Pollyanna on you. (I am often described as overly enthusiastic and cheerful.) And I’m trying to find a way to wrap up this blog post if I haven’t lost you all already from my nauseatingly passionate banishment of coupledom and ovation for singledom.
So let me tell you what you asked about…Blind Date Guy. Who I never even went out with. Sorry. Fail. I know. Here’s why…
We did make plans to watch NFL Football (a passion we both share) on Sunday afternoon but we didn’t hash out specifics until the morning of. I was actually feeling comfortable and encouraged about him because I hadn’t been feeling well on Saturday, our originally scheduled date time. He had wanted to take me to the Botanical Gardens downtown and then throw a Frisbee or football around on the mall. Sounds fun right? But when I wasn’t feeling well or up to it Saturday, we decided sitting and watching football might be more my speed for this sick stricken weekend. Sunday morning he called, right when he said he would. I asked where he wanted to watch the game and I suggested some of my favorite sports bars. “Fuck that!” he said. “Excuse me?” I said. “Fuck paying overprice for food and beer at a bar, we can go to your place or mine.” “I don’t really feel comfortable with that, since I don’t know you well,” I countered and then suggested several places with very good and cheap beer and food specials during the games. “Come on,” he said. “It’s not like I’m a serial killer. You’ll be fine. Come to my place.” “No,” I said. “In fact, I’m sorry to do this to you so last minute, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to see you at all. I hope you enjoy the games if you still watch them and thank you for your interest in me but I won’t be dating you. Take care.” He was understandably upset. And he may actually be a nice guy. But I don’t think he is. I got a bad, creepy vibe from him. And I trusted my instincts. Besides, I know this make me sounds like a materialistic bitch. But I can’t deal with anyone that cheap. On a date or otherwise. I’m an attorney and I make a comfortable salary. I like to go out and drink and eat. I don’t need to be wined and dined but I like to enjoy the city. How can I be with someone who isn’t able to do that or doesn’t want to? And I’ve found that guys who make considerably less money than me or less period, lose interest or get frustrated with that fact sooner rather than later. And I said to myself, why go hang out with someone that you no longer want to see? That you have doubts about when you’ve never even met him? That makes you feel creeped out and unsure and uncomfortable? I was told it’s a number game, but maybe I don’t want to play. Or maybe I have a good feeling this guy wasn’t my particular jackpot lotto combination. Regardless, I didn’t go out with him. And I never will. And I’m glad I didn’t. It would have been a waste of a perfectly fun Sunday afternoon which was alternatively spent drinking beer margaritas with new friends.
To add to my dating misery, last week I met another guy- a stand-up comic (who also has a day job) at a comedy club where some of my other friends were performing. He came up to me after the show and asked for my contact info. He facebooked me later that night (don’t get me started on facebook) and I began to message back and forth with him. But he never asked me out and stopped writing back. After a few short pleasantries. Typical, typical.
So after all this dating disappointment, I went out last night to Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights to play trivia with my girl and guy friends and I had told myself I was Over Men! (yet again). And set out to enjoy my single self. Which I did-until…
It became very apparent that the entire bar was FILLED to the brim with MY TYPE of men. Extremely tall, thinly-muscular guys, with glasses and oh my god geekiness galore! The kind of smart, clever guys who are interesting and kind and have NO IDEA how incredibly good looking they really are. So when a British babe in spectacles asked for my number…how could I possibly resist? I couldn't. So, will he call? I don’t know. Will I wait by the phone? Certainly not.
But am I, in fact, over men again???
Cheers,
Toddy.
Last time we left off with this single heroine, (as I like to think of myself), I was pondering whether or not to go on a Blind Date. And then I did indeed schedule my very first ever Blind Date. And because I fear the outcome might disappoint those anticipating the episode, I promise I will get to it, but first…
I’m sitting in my parent’s house bored stiff, waiting for the cable guy. Because nothing technological ever seems to work in my parent’s house and I, of course, because I’m younger and more tech savvy, (what a joke), have to handle it for them. I want to be a good daughter but still – ugh – kill me now. The cable guy should be here ANYTIME NOW, that is to say, between 11am and 2pm. Seriously? How in the eff do people in the service industry STILL get away with this? Can I just say that 3 hour appointment “windows” are Bull. $hit. But I digress…sort of.
I mean I am waiting on a man am I not? Yet again. A man to call. Or text or email or show up at my doorstep. Finally show up in my otherwise complete, fulfilling and happy life, for what? To fix something that’s wrong? Provide a service that I need/want/enjoy? Perhaps. But still- I have to wait for it. And PAY for it. And ask for it. And schedule it. And not know exactly when it’s gonna happen, if it will go smoothly, and even if it does work out whether or not things will work out in the long run. History would suggest that looks may fade, static could occur and total disconnection isn’t impossible and even probable. The question isn’t if the eventually glitches or problems and break downs in service will surface, it is only truly a matter of when. And then, I’ll need another man to appear and revamp the overhauled system. Or woman. (It could happen).
What I’m trying to say, as inarticulately as possible, is that I’m sick of men. Or at least sick of dating them. For awhile. I go through ebbs and flows of dating determination, deflation and defeat. Every few months or so. It’s not like I’m in a drought. On the contrary, I was hit on by several men just last night. I just don’t see the point. And I can’t seem to muster the optimism, gumption and fortitude that other serial single daters like my blog buddy DateMeDC tirelessly appears to do. Ad infinitum. I mean -6 guys in the mix! Sheesh girl! I think I did 5 guys once in the early months of year 2009. But that was almost 2 years ago. And I’m tired. Tired of texting, emailing, dating, drinking, flirting, kissing, facebooking, calling and being called by all the wrong men.
I don’t want you to think I’m being cynical. Or depressed. Or a quitter. The greatest thing I feel right now as I’m writing is this: I. Am. Happy. I mean, really and truly happy. I haven’t felt this great in so long. My family and I are in a really healthy, balanced, loving place. I feel like my mom, dad, big brother and grandmother are all really good friends. And though I haven’t been back in D.C. that long after my return move, I’ve started to develop solid relationships with some really cool, good people to spend free time with. Additionally, I’m in a stable place at work. Of course I’m still a peon attorney on the bottom rung of the ladder, but I sense I’m starting to get noticed and at least my intellectual curiosity is constantly being challenged and sated and the pay check is helping me FINALLY get a hold over my finances for the first time ever. And I love being back in my hometown. Moreover, my recent significant though short-lived health problems have reminded me to enjoy life and not take myself so seriously. Things are good. I am not cynical. I’m just, well…happy.
Every night, I stretch out over the whole of my $1000 (my most expensive possession except for my car and baby grand piano) Queen-sized, extra long, pillow-top mattress, immersed in blankets and plush pillows and I don’t have to share a single square with another. I sleep great. I’m not waiting for someone to call for our next date. I’m not wondering if he’s cheating on me. I’m not excited for when I’m supposed to see him next. I'm not trying to spice up our sex life or goading him to do the dishes or help me fix something or go to some bull shit event with me. I don't have to put up with his video game addiction or his friends who act like they're still pre-pubescent pissants. Instead, I do what I want when I want. I don’t have to check in with anybody. I don’t have to explain that the guy I had lunch with REALLY is JUST AN OLD FRIEND, the thought of whom sleeping with really would be awkward torture. Really. I’m just getting up and living my life and right now it’s enough. More than enough. And while sex is great, don’t get me wrong, and when I’m having it regularly it’s all I want and all I think about, I’ve found that being a long-distance runner, workaholic and alcoholic, that I can go long bouts of time without it and not feel all that deprived. There is also something to be said in the comfort of being a girl, and having the confident knowledge, that if I really really needed to get some, that no doubt I could find a man in less than a day who would help me itch that scratch. Just sayin'...
That said I don’t want to get any more Pollyanna on you. (I am often described as overly enthusiastic and cheerful.) And I’m trying to find a way to wrap up this blog post if I haven’t lost you all already from my nauseatingly passionate banishment of coupledom and ovation for singledom.
So let me tell you what you asked about…Blind Date Guy. Who I never even went out with. Sorry. Fail. I know. Here’s why…
We did make plans to watch NFL Football (a passion we both share) on Sunday afternoon but we didn’t hash out specifics until the morning of. I was actually feeling comfortable and encouraged about him because I hadn’t been feeling well on Saturday, our originally scheduled date time. He had wanted to take me to the Botanical Gardens downtown and then throw a Frisbee or football around on the mall. Sounds fun right? But when I wasn’t feeling well or up to it Saturday, we decided sitting and watching football might be more my speed for this sick stricken weekend. Sunday morning he called, right when he said he would. I asked where he wanted to watch the game and I suggested some of my favorite sports bars. “Fuck that!” he said. “Excuse me?” I said. “Fuck paying overprice for food and beer at a bar, we can go to your place or mine.” “I don’t really feel comfortable with that, since I don’t know you well,” I countered and then suggested several places with very good and cheap beer and food specials during the games. “Come on,” he said. “It’s not like I’m a serial killer. You’ll be fine. Come to my place.” “No,” I said. “In fact, I’m sorry to do this to you so last minute, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to see you at all. I hope you enjoy the games if you still watch them and thank you for your interest in me but I won’t be dating you. Take care.” He was understandably upset. And he may actually be a nice guy. But I don’t think he is. I got a bad, creepy vibe from him. And I trusted my instincts. Besides, I know this make me sounds like a materialistic bitch. But I can’t deal with anyone that cheap. On a date or otherwise. I’m an attorney and I make a comfortable salary. I like to go out and drink and eat. I don’t need to be wined and dined but I like to enjoy the city. How can I be with someone who isn’t able to do that or doesn’t want to? And I’ve found that guys who make considerably less money than me or less period, lose interest or get frustrated with that fact sooner rather than later. And I said to myself, why go hang out with someone that you no longer want to see? That you have doubts about when you’ve never even met him? That makes you feel creeped out and unsure and uncomfortable? I was told it’s a number game, but maybe I don’t want to play. Or maybe I have a good feeling this guy wasn’t my particular jackpot lotto combination. Regardless, I didn’t go out with him. And I never will. And I’m glad I didn’t. It would have been a waste of a perfectly fun Sunday afternoon which was alternatively spent drinking beer margaritas with new friends.
To add to my dating misery, last week I met another guy- a stand-up comic (who also has a day job) at a comedy club where some of my other friends were performing. He came up to me after the show and asked for my contact info. He facebooked me later that night (don’t get me started on facebook) and I began to message back and forth with him. But he never asked me out and stopped writing back. After a few short pleasantries. Typical, typical.
So after all this dating disappointment, I went out last night to Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights to play trivia with my girl and guy friends and I had told myself I was Over Men! (yet again). And set out to enjoy my single self. Which I did-until…
It became very apparent that the entire bar was FILLED to the brim with MY TYPE of men. Extremely tall, thinly-muscular guys, with glasses and oh my god geekiness galore! The kind of smart, clever guys who are interesting and kind and have NO IDEA how incredibly good looking they really are. So when a British babe in spectacles asked for my number…how could I possibly resist? I couldn't. So, will he call? I don’t know. Will I wait by the phone? Certainly not.
But am I, in fact, over men again???
Cheers,
Toddy.
14 comments:
A cable man update:
It's now 2:30, a half hour after the cable guy's 3 hr window and he's called to say he'll be here late and AT SOME POINT!!! WTF?? Whatever that means. Typical, Typical.
I support you in the decision not to go out with the guy. Not so much because he seemed cheap, but because he was pushing for too-familiar, too-soon. Creepy, indeed. And such a big jump from the sweet Botanical Gardens idea, initially. You totally have to go with your gut, so good for you.
As for the rest of your post, if you're happy, just be happy, that's great! I agree with most of what you say and it's why I am still unsure whether I'm cut out for serious relationship, marriage, forever after, etc (despite being in a serious relationship now). And I think that if love is going to come along, it really does usually happen when you're happy and content with your life. That being said, I started to wonder if you were trying to convince yourself that you just want to be single ... but I wonder that about myself, sometimes, too.
Hope the cable guy shows up soon! What if it were a cable lady? ;)
I agree with Sassy. It almost sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of how awesome being single is. I won't disagree with you on some points it's freaking sweet and I occasionally miss it.
And no matter how much I tried to convince myself how awesome singledom was or how happy I was. Sometimes you just want that comfort having a companion to share your awesome life with.
Now that you've embraced all the good things, he'll find you when the times right. Cliche, I know.
Sassy and Scorpio, thank you for your prompt and thoughtful comments. However, I have to disagree. Coupled women are ALWAYS saying but dont you WANT to be with SOMEONE? And you know what, NO. NO, I don't. What I'm constantly trying to CONVINCE myself is that I'm supposed to be with someone else which is why I go on lame dates and play phone tag with guys I don't care for. I just think its interesting to get that comment from an engaged girl and another in a serious relationship. Whats TOTALLY right and fulfilling for you may be wrong for me and others. If some single girls concur, I'll take another look. Cheers, T.
I'd be freaked out if some bloke wanted to come round to my house / me to his for a first date too. I mean, from his insistence, its like there's keen, and there's weird. He's weird.
I had convinced myself that I was happy with being single, so I understand where you are coming from. I scoffed at people that said "companionship leaves you feeling fulfilled."
I dated and dated. I got tired and went on mancations. Then when I found a true peace and happiness with myself, he came into my life. I tried to push him away. I tried to convince myself that sharing my space, bed, secrets...life just wouldn't work. But when you find the right one it changes.
Just saying if you want a relationship good. If not, that's good too. I just find it hard to believe you don't want that when you write about dating.
Miss Scorpio -- oooooh we got a real debate going here. I love it! Thanks for more than one comment. Oh the embarassment of riches! So here's what I think, a different spin on it. The only problem I have is that (1) I really am happy being single and (2) I'm sick of people saying that I'm in denial or I'd be happier in a couple. Here's the thing: Maybe right now, at this point in time in my life I REALLY AM HAPPY BEING SINGLE. And maybe you are right, that I'll meet someone and want to NOT BE SINGLE. I'm okay with that possibility. I'm not shunning coupledom. I'm just annoyed that its like OH UNTIL I'M IN A COUPLE I have to make myself happy enough or I have to convince myself I don't want someone so I can be happy being single. I don't think thats the case. Maybe in my mid-20's I'd enjoy being single. Period. And maybe I'll always be single. Maybe. I mean, Diane Keaton NEVER got married even though she dated hotties like Al Pacino and Warren Beatty and the not so hot but brilliant Woody Allen and then she adopted her first of two children at age 50 and has been a single mom ever since. Maybe I'll meet someone. Maybe I'll get married. Maybe I'll have/adopt kids. And maybe I won't. I just think its the journey, not a destination. And I'm traveling this journey right now alone. And I like it. I was with someone for 6 LONG YEARS. And yes it was amazing and yes we truly loved each other and I don't have that kind of love in my life right now. But it was EXHAUSTING and CHALLENGING and DISTRACTING and COMPROMISING and ultimately HEARTBREAKING in addition to all the love and joys and companionship and entertainment and fun and partnership. SO it came with a lot of requirements and baggage and effort and maybe your mid-20s is a time to worry about your friends, your family, your finances and having fun, drinking, dancing, fucking and just living it up before love and life drops a bunch of adult responsibilities in your lap. But your right. I do go out on dates and I write about dates. I like guys. I like sex. I like meeting new people and getting to know cool individuals and experiencing the city and going on adventures. Dating is an adventure. But right now it feels like a chore. So maybe I need a timeout. Because I want to WANT TO DATE. Not feel like I HAVE to date because couples tell me I'm missing out. Cheers, T.
Please Don't Eat - thanks for your comment. I used to live in London. I still say "flat" some times and my friends look at me funny. Thanks for backing me up. WEIRD is right. Or normal. Like just trying to hook up with me. But hey, I'm not that easy...
Wow, I think you read a lot into my comment that wasn't there. I never at all suggested that you SHOULD be in a couple or that you have to work to be happy UNTIL that time. I said, "If you're happy, just be happy, that's great!" In other words, just be happy, don't act like you constantly have to defend your choices or your reason for being happy, just enjoy it. I was just commenting on the fact that you DO sound defensive about it, and was wondering if that meant you were still unsure about it. I definitely don't think you should be defensive about it, but there's no denying that you kinda are, after seeing these comments.
And coming from the perspective of someone who is about to be single again, not by choice but because life deals challenging circumstances sometimes, I'm definitely not coming from the perspective of a couple telling you that you're missing out. Everyone takes their own journey and it's no one's place to judge the journey of another. My comment was definitely not meant as judgment - it really was just meant to be thoughtful.
Happy Turkey Day!
Hey Sassy, I actually think I was responding to MissScorpio on the last one not you. And I think you are right: I am DEFENSIVE. Defensive of my point of view. I think you are right that sometimes we are unsure of ourselves. I mean how can you ever be sure of anything??? But sometimes you feel like for a brief moment you GET IT you know. You have an epiphany. Like This. is. how. I. feel. And you just want to write about it, blog about, it, tell, it share it and have others GET IT. GET exactly what it is you mean. I dont know. Because sometimes we want human understanding to validate our human understanding. Thanks for you multiple comments and I'm really sorry to hear about your impending singledom. Are you actually going to be single? Or just living the single lifestyle because you are going to be long-distance with "The Dude" as you lovingly call him. Sending a virtual hug (if that isn't too creepy). Cheers, T.
That guy sounds like a creep. Not wanting to meet in a public place for what amounts to a blind date is just plain shady. You were right to call it off.
On the longer note, I think being single is great fun. I loved it when I was single, and I'm glad I have those memories. I also love being coupled. You're absolutely right...it's a matter of being happy with what you have now. (I also had times when I hated being single and when I hated being coupled -- though not with WH.) Time, age, situation all contribute to one's state of mind and state of contentment. Enjoy it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh, and thanks for the shout out!!! :)
WashingtonTina- Thanks for your comment and words of encouragement. Okay, okay so maybe I am a teensy bit jealous that you have a WH and I don't but that doesn't mean last night partying with my friends and talking to random guys that hit on me then going out dancing with two of them wasn't a complete random blast. Because it was really really really fun. Random, but fun. And congrats on your recent DC Blogs Shout out. Cheers, T.
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