Monday, January 9, 2012

The Express Lane To Romance

If you are a committed commuter like me, you just might ride the metro and/or the bus into work 5 times a day in and 5 times a day out. And then you might also have occasion to read the free edition of the Express paper during your ride. Today, I did, and it got me thinking - about HOW TO FIND ROMANCE!

Today's edition, was an especially full and interesting one, (If you have the chance go grab it at, and ran an article entitled "Occupiers Find Romance in Protest." It reports that: "a combustible combination of youthful energy, enthusiasm for shared ideals and tight living quarters has given rise to something else: romance. More than a dozen couples have merged after three months of outdoor living, including one pair who got engaged over the holidays."

It got me thinking....About-someone who commented on my last post, where I shamelessly gushed about happiness with my livin' in sin partner in crime boyfriend. This reader wrote: "You have what we all long for...cherish it." And it made me deeply sad to read those words. I remember longing for someone. Sometimes more than other times. And I know some people who want it so badly they can taste it. I wish everyone out there could find someone. And find someone now. And find that someone for ever.

And it seems like all my single friends are trying. Really trying. Online dating. And off-line dating. Meeting people at the gym. And people at bars. Hooking up and hanging out. Getting hearts bruised and broken and having to start all over again. They want it so bad - they get downtrodden and defeated. They feel lonely. They feel hopeless. A birthday party out in AdMo has lost its luster. One group of girlfriends singles out a member because every where they go she's always "looking" for a guy and not just being in the moment. Not just being around people that make her feel good about herself and just having fun for a change.

I've given a friend this advice time and time again and I think its obvious. And you've probably heard it before. And I know it sometimes hurts coming from someone who has already got a guy. "Easy for you to say," she says to me. But its absolutely true. And the occupier romances show us its true.





1. Live your life. Go out there and do the things you like doing. That you are passionate about. That you enjoy. That you find fun, educational, stimulating, worthwhile.

2. Be positive. Learn to like yourself and even love yourself. If you can't, it will be hard for someone else to. Besides, no one likes a debby downer. People want to be around people who are happy. People are more apt to like someone who is happy. So get happy. Single, and alone and mateless. Imagine, if you have to live the rest of your life alone - are you going to throw your life in the trash? and live through it sad and sulky and depressed? or are you going to find a way to make it full and interesting and be content?

3. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE. I PROMISE. PROBABLY SOMEONE WITH SIMILAR QUALITIES OR SIMILAR INTERESTS OR SIMILAR FRIENDSHIP OR WORK CIRCLES OR EVEN "SHARED IDEALS." I found my boyfriend playing kickball. The occupiers are finding companionship through passionate political protest. Maybe you like salsa dancing or volunteering at a pet shelter or retirement community. Whatever it is - if you are 1) being energetic and active in your life and 2) being enthusiastic and happy with yourself and others - then you WILL run into the members of the opposite sex that are potential matches for who you REALLY are.

4. MEN ARE EVERYWHERE. I know it doesn't seem like it much of the time since the male to female ratio is abysmal in DC but I promise - they are there. At the kickball games. And occupying Mcpherson's square. They're at a Cafe Citron happy hour, where, for example, a man name "Craig" met his now wife "Allison" back in 2008. (Again, see today's Express under the engagement/marriage announcement section).

I know this is starting to sound like a lame ass pep talk. But I've been giving a lot of rah rahs lately to a lot of single friends. Male and female alike. I don't know how long it is going to take. I don't. I wasn't single between the ages of 14-23. Then I was single for 4 LONG YEARS between the ages of 24-27. And I haven't been single at ages 27 or 28. It's a mystery maybe. But I remember being busy and happy and finding myself between 14-23 and I never had trouble meeting men. After a terrible break-up during law school at age 23 I never seemed to recover. The doom and gloom overshadowed my love life and I believe - drastically hurt my chance to find someone new again soon. When I finally decided to be happy alone at 27 and made conscious and active steps to be satisfied to be single - I found one man immediately thereafter and then another only days after the first relationship fell apart. I was going to parties. And being with friends. And being myself. I was in the places I live and enjoy doing the things I find fun, with the people I find to be decent and kind human beings. Is that a recipe for romantic success? Perhaps.

Good luck out there. Maybe there is no Express Lane or Express Way to Romance. All I know is, there seem to be a lot of lucky ladies (and gentlemen) listed in the Express today who found someone special. You are next. I feel it.




Unleashed said...

Some really good advice here, and it's all true. I met my guy strutting my stuff in front of the firehouse where he works. Okay, I wasn't strutting my stuff -- I really was just walking past there -- when we literally ran into each other. But yeah, men are EVERYWHERE, and often in places where you least expect.

Anonymous said...

lol... we'll all find it, I know that. :) xoxo


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the encouraging words. Pls don't ever feel bad for gushing about being in love and happy with your P.I.C / best friend. Let the others stop moping to you and sucking your happiness as you try to cheer them up. That's not your job. They should be happy for you and not alert you to how lucky you are and how unlucky they are. Way to make you feel like you now have to HELP them find love.


Just be happy. Keep gushing. I love it :)

Toddy said...

Unleashed- thanks for the vote of confidence. I was worried about giving advice. Who am I to give advice? But I liked that Express article and felt like drawing real world lessons from it.

Toddy said...

Quarter- glad you know it too! :-)

Anonymous- thanks for a pep talk FOR me for a change. Sometimes misery loves company. But- im just not miserable. Yay! Yes my friends can drag me down but sometimes i give others an earfull of my own gloom n doom. Happy to be there for them and help (if i can). I can try to anyways...


wisconsin singles said...

Free Online Dating Service and dating website is for senior women or men in USA that are looking for someone to mingle with. we are a personal dating website based in the USA.

The Non-Student said...

I have quit giving dating advice, and i just say, "I didn't do anything different than you are." Because I didn't. I got smacked in the face with love, completely set-up by someone else. I had no control over it. I got lucky. And I am ever so thankful.

Jolene said...

AMEN. I also think that there's something huge for embracing being alone and once you do? BAM you find someone. They find you. It's meant to be. But you gotta love what you have, your life, etc, before that can happen. Sounds cliche, but I don't care, it's true.

Ossa said...

WOW. Yeah I agree! Thanks For the sweet talks it was all a great advice and thanks for the and encouragement.

Rachel said...

Right as always, T. It's letting your own self, likes & dislikes & funny quirks & great laugh, shine through that attracts compatible people.

I'll echo the hordes agreeing that loves finds you in the most random places; my first big love I met at a Vagina Monologues afterparty (yeah, really) and my next was a chance encounter at jury duty (we've now been together 2 years and the HuffPost did a how-we-met article on us - barf!).

So glad you're happy and relishing it!

xox R