(Text messages):
Me: Did Jack ever call you back yesterday or today?
Alice: Ummm nope. Kind of pissed. Also confused. But I guess I don't want to be with someone like that anyway.
Me: Oh man. I'm sorry. That sucks and def is confusing.
Alice: Yeah, he was coming on so strong.
Alice: I don't understand what the point of that was.
Alice: I'm telling you. The universe just wants me to be single forever.
Me: No it doesn't. You've met two guys lately that didn't work out. It's a numbers game.
Alice: For some the numbers game takes waaay more numbers than others.
Me: Stuff takes time.
Alice: I have tons of friends here. The love situation is a whole different story. It's so hard for me to find it.
Me: Loves overrated. Live your life. Have fun. Love will find you.
Alice: Not sure why, maybe there's something wrong with me that people aren't telling me!!!
Alice: I am living my life and having fun.
Me: Trust me. Love will find you then you'll be sitting on the couch while Love eats his breakfast. He'll be chowing down his food like an animal that hasn't eaten in 3 days . Then he'll drop a huge bit of egg onto the couch. He'll look around for it not that hard. Not find it. Shrug his shoulders. Keep on eating and forget about it. This is what Love did to me this morning.
Alice: Hahahhaah. That doesn't sound so bad.
Me: Not so bad?? Are you kidding? He left a quarter size chunk of egg. He dropped it somewhere. Shrugged his shoulders and left it. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Argh. It's so infuriating!
Alice: Haaahahah gross. Annoying, maybe. But a trade off.
Me: Well you may think it's funny now, but you won't when you come over to our apartment in two months and it smells and you'll know it's because we leave perishable food in our couch and just leave it there.
Alice: Fine. But that is still better than me being the creepy cougar at your and MT's house every Thanksgiving.
Me: You won't be a cougar.
Alice: Hahha we'll see. I would make a super hot cougar tough. I mean, I better be. I'll have been doing Crossfit for 10 years by then.
Me: Look, you have to think about Missy. She's older than you. She's 31. Can you imagine that gorgeous, kind girl being alone forever? Because, I can't. It's impossible.
Alice: No, she won't be.
Me: Well, that's how we see you. You just have to see that for yourself.
Alice: Aw thanks!! I mean, I know my friends love me, so someone else should.
Me: Listen, maybe the universe knows you are meant to be with like the hottest Jewish Australian Crossfit Coach ever. So it is thwarting you now so that when you go to get certified or volunteer to referee a competition you'll meet him then.
Alice: Yes! that sounds awesome! That would be worth waiting for.
Me: His name is Cort, mate. And you'll be like, Jack who? And he'll be like come over to my house tomorrow. I'll throw another shrimp on the barby. And you'll be like thanks. And he'll be like no worries.
Alice: Hahah. yess!!! I do want a hot crossfit guy. Or at least someone who cares about getting and staying in shape.
Me: And Aaron will be there. But he'll fail his Level 1 certification exam because his stomach will make him unbalanced on handstand pushups.
Alice: Hahahah. That's amazing. But really his stomach seems to be almost gone. Thanks to his like 2 days of paleo. the jerk.
Me. Yeah, it does. But he'll fall off the wagon. Because he realized he blew it with you and he goes into a deep depression. Eating cupcakes and pasta and white potatoes...oh my!
Alice: That's true. He will. Man I hope he realizes that. I would have been awesome for that kid.
Me: Yes, but instead you're awesome for Cort and you open a box together. On the beach. Called Crossfit Sunset.
Me: It could happen.
Alice: I am in for that! It certainly could. Anything is possible.
Me: See??? The universe knows best. Have a little faith.
Alice: I'll try.
