That is the question. Because I'm supposed to go out tonight. On another date with the Math Teacher. Bowling.In theory, I want to go out on another date with the Math Teacher. But in reality I have NO INTEREST IN GOING OUT TONIGHT. OR BOWLING.
My whole body aches. Everywhere. My back, neck, shoulders. My face. My eyes behind the eyes. My quads. My hamstrings. The soles of my feet. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I work too much. (Well I KNOW I work too much - I even work a full day Saturdays so a six day week). Maybe I'm getting the flu (some of my coworkers were out sick this week and my mom has also been afflicted). Or maybe I'm just depressed. Two run-ins with the ex (yes I DID run into him AGAIN on my way to work yesterday. More on that some other time maybe...) in the last five days and its just too much. It's all too much. Or maybe I'm just dehydrated and need a glass of water? Who knows...
I told my coworker I wanted to cancel. I told her I feel like shit and I'm exhausted and we have to work all day tomorrow too! And then Sunday I'm spending the whole day with my mom for Mother's Day doing fun stuff she likes like an early morning walk outside, documentary movies, art exhibits, brunch etc.
My coworker was kinda mean to me in response to my lack of luster for living it up. She said: "What are you gonna do then? Go home and put on your sweatpants and watch TV?"
I said: "Um, yes. Exactly. And drink wine." (Don't try to tell me that's not bliss). The truth is: I wanna be alone. I don't feel like myself. And its even MORE exhausting and stressful trying to PRETEND to be me. The me everyone likes. The fun, bubbly, nice person that I just am not embodying right now. Because right now I am angry and tired and bitter and sad and exhausted and stressed and lost.
But I know how shitty it is to cancel on someone. Especially if they cleared their schedule to hang with you and therefore didn't make other Friday night plans. And then maybe he won't ask me out again. And I DO want to see if something is there with the Math Teacher. He IS a nice, interesting, cool guy. But I DON'T want to see if something is there tonight. Though I don't want to blow him off or hurt his feelings or give him the wrong impression.
I don't know. Ugh. I'd said TGIF. But I work Saturdays. Fuck my life. Just fuck it.
Tell me what to do lovely readership. You decide. And I will listen. You always say the right things. Which is why I write to you out into the abyss. I get more out of it, then you do. I'm sure.
Tired, tired T.
19 comments:
This is not rocket science:
You're not ready to date.
You don't want to date.
You don't want to latch onto the first excitable wick that comes along.
You deserve better than this proverbial 'nice guy'.
You don't want to go out.
Tell this fuck to sling his hook.
There. Simple.
You are in tonight. With wine. Done.
You've complained about "the game" before... going out would be part of playing "the game."
If you don't feel like going out, tell him. Tell him why. And then stay in and drink some wine and watch bad tv, or read a book, or the New Yorker, or People magazine, or whatever...
The times where I forced myself out when I didn't want to go, I ended up taking it out on my date. I was testy and on edge. I don't want you to do that.
Tough one. I, like the Sarah above, have also had times where I've gone out when I didn't want to and ended up taking it out on my date and generally not being as awesome as I could be/usually am.
On the other hand, sometimes I've ended up enjoying nights I haven't really wanted to go out AND you told me you wanted to take every opportunity that came along.
That being said, I also agree with Andy. If you don't feel like your self and aren't ready, don't go. At the very least, you don't want to risk someone falling in love with a non-normal, emo, finding-herself you.
We are so much in the same place right now it's incredible.
If you truly want to see if something is going to happen with Math Teacher, you need to let him know you're tired. Suggest something IN (like ordering pizza and drinking wine) as opposed to going out. If he's offended, tell him to fuck off. If he takes you up on the offer, he might truly care about your thoughts and feelings and MAY be a keeper.
Myself? I would cancel, throw on the sweats and crack open that bottle o'wine. But I'm an asshole, and am destined to die alone.
Unpopular choice, obviously, but I say you go. It's a few hours out of your life, it's considerate of you to stick to something that's been pre-planned, and maybe --- just MAYBE --- it'll be fun, you'll have a nice time, and you'll go to work (me too. ugh!) on Saturday with a little pep in your step.
Or you could stay home. I'm with you either way.
if you truly are in no mood to go, tell him now, don't wait. My two cents. But if you are more than 50% interested in going, go. You may surprise yourself...
No offense to Tricia, but inviting him over is a terrible idea--unless you want to see his penis. For guys, pizza at your place is code for sex, so is wine and a movie, or pretty much anything involving your place (or his) except "feed my plants while I'm out of town".
Why don't you pick an activity that you like to do so that even if the date doesn't go well you can still have fun because you got to [go salsa dancing; shoot some pool; listen to live music; take a vegan organic fair-trade ironic hipster pottery class etc.]
I agree with Tricia. If you are tired, you're tired and he should understand that. Then, if he tries to go by the code Ninja mentions, either go with it if you want or tell him "uh, no I'm tired; remember?"
Also, hang out with me next week. :)
Yeah, I have to side with Tricia and not Ninja, assuming you make it very, very clear that you feel like crap. Perhaps just say you really wish you could go out with him, but you're burnt out, feeling ill, etc. and see what his response is.
-From a dude
never do anything you dont want to do.....(simple)...
My vote is that you go out with him. I don't think you're quite ready to date yet, but I also think it would be somewhat rude to cancel last minute. Or, not entirely last minute since you published this a while ago, I suppose. But, maybe if you only date him once every week or two it will go nice and slow and you can have time in between.
If you do decide to stay home tonight, have a bevvy for me because I cut myself off of booze for a few weeks.
this is tough (and as i'm posting past 10.. it is clear you have already made a decision)
but what I know is i hate cancelling on people, but of all the times someone has cancelled on me I've understood their reasoning and have never really been mad at the person.
and i agree with andy, If you aren't ready to date than don't.
-K
I'm all late and wrong with this comment, but I think if you feel bad, you should stay in.
I have to agree with some of the other comments that maybe you're just not ready to date. I know after Alex and I split, I wasn't ready for a long time, and it feels like you only just ended things with your ex.
If this guy is worth his salt, he'll be patient, understanding, and get that sometimes, life is just rough on us.
Play on, Playa.
I know I'm a little late chiming in here, but if you're feeling like crap before a date, it's going to show. I would rather have a woman cancel on me with than force herself to go through with the date, cause all she's going to remember is that she felt like shit and I was there and so it is somehow my fault.
Also, the Ninja is correct. An invite to your fortress on a Friday night could easily be misconstrued.
I just wrote the most amazing response to all of you EVER and it somehow didn't post. soooooooooooo annoying. more later...bah!
A'right, after writing a novel response to all your comments that was kick ass and insightful and then losing it pre-post, fml, im weary of repeating that tragedy-SO-im going to re-answer in parts...
First-you guys are the most incredible readership ever. I get emails throughout the day telling me i have YET ANOTHER comment to my last entry and you guys are so funny, supportive, thoughtful, helpful - it literally blows my mind, makes my day and makes writing worthwhile. So thank you for that really!! Feel free to let me know what you like, dont like, wanna hear more of or less of etc.
Sorry for the lovefest...stay tuned for actual comment responses...
Of course, I'm late again... and dying to know what you did. I say you should always follow your bliss. And since your bliss sounds a lot like mine ;-) I say stay in. But if you went out, I hope you had fun!
Andy-do you hate all men? what guy WOULD you approve of?
vvk-I do hate the game. and I rarely play it. And look where that has gotten me - eh? Game on!
freckledk- you are def not an ashoole. As for dying alone - I may be destined to join you in that fate. But for both our sakes, I hope not. Sadly, I didn't take you up on the go and make it work advice but honestly my whole body hurt. Whether sickness or depression or fatigue I know not, but I'm glad I didn't go bowling or at least feel it was the right decision even if it does mean I suck.
Jolene- very good advice. It was hard because yes I wanted to give him advanced notice but I also kept thinking I could convince myself to go and didn't want to cancel and then change my mind and regret it. I 98% didn't want to go - so I'm guessing you approve then?
Post a Comment