First Post-Breakup First Date

So...yeah...I've been single for what? A week and a half? And I have a first date. Sort of.

So remember how I got completely wasted 2 days after getting my heart completely stomped on by the unicorn imposter (sort of, I mean he's a pretty great guy. ugh. wish it weren't true) and how I hooked up with this guy in my circle of mutual friends? To feel better - no big deal.

Well what you don't know is that 7 days after getting broken up with I went out on the town again for my friend M's 30th birthday. And I was feeling it you know? Feeling great. Feeling so great it made me wonder if it really WAS A GOOD THING that David had dumped me? Like maybe I hadn't been myself around him? Or it had been harder than it should've been? Or that it was just so tiring trying to make someone happy that maybe couldn't be happy? I don't know. But last Friday - I felt great. I was dancing and laughing and finally eating again. (Did I mention I lost 8 pounds in 7 days because I barely swallowed a morsel? Every time I looked at food I felt like I was going to vomit. But I digress). I felt good. And The Math Teacher, or I suppose we could call him Rebound Guy, was there. And I talked to him. But I also talked to our friends. And I danced with him, but I also danced with my other girl and guy friends.

And at the end of the night...

I went home with him. Again.

Except this time...nothing happened. I mean I told him nothing would happen and he told me to come home with him anyway. And really folks. Nothing happened. We watched a ROCK movie (You know who the Rock is right? hah) and he held me. He held me ALL FUCKING NIGHT. I don't think David ever did that ONCE. Because he was a fickle sleeper and couldn't get to sleep. And he'd get cold and needed more blankets. blah. blah. blah. Its not that David never held me. But he never held me like that. And it made me sad. Like how could this man I spent months and months with never hold me like that. And why not? And why were we together? But I didn't think it was great that we were no longer together. I just still wished we were. And that he had changed. And been different. And loved me. And held me - like that. But he didn't. And we aren't. And he never will. It's the worst.

In the morning, The Math Teacher made me breakfast and we watched tv. He walked me outside and put me in a cab and asked me if I wanted to go out this week. What else could I say? I mean I guess I could say no? But why not? What the fuck else have I got to do?

So when I get off of work tonight around 8pm - I will officially GO BACK TO DATING. Which is my worst nightmare. I mean - to be honest - I rock at dating. You wanna know why? Because I'm friendly and energetic and interested in people and a good talker. And because I've been on about a thousand dates in my lifetime. Well not that many - but close. And I'm sick of it. I don't want to date anymore. I know I'm not supposed to say this and its anti-feminist bullshit or something but I don't want to date. I don't want to be single. 6 months ago I thought I hated marriage, children and men. And then I fell in love with someone. In a grown-up way. As a grown-up. I'm ready. Ready to be in love. Ready to settle down. Ready for marriage and children and all of it. And it sucks. Because to get there - I have to date. A lot. And go on bad dates. Probably. A lot of them.

So I'm starting with the math teacher. I think its going to be really really really REALLY weird. Because we started out by seedily hooking up. And I know him as a friend. And all my friends know him. And we all hang out together. And it just feels weird. And because I'm sad. And because I miss David. And because I wish David and I were having dinner. But we aren't. And a girl's gotta eat...

I'm going to try to be positive. And I'm going to be a good date. Because I always am. Because I can't help myself. Life goes on...because it does. So I will go on...because I must.

Cheers and wish me luck,
T