Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Men Like Bitches and Crazies


I used to feel like it was my fault that I was single. Was I too pretty? Not pretty enough? Not well dressed? Not thin enough or fit enough or tan enough or quiet enough or sweet enough or aloof enough. But my latest relationship, where I genuinely believe the Ex before, then and now thinks I am what he says I am: "Truly excellent. Smart and beautiful. Kind and generous." Because you know what? I. am. Period. Men just happen to like high maintenance, crazy bitches. And I for one, regardless of any "game" I'm supposed to play, don't want to be high maintenance, crazy, or bitchy. Because, frankly, that wouldn't be fun for me. And my quality of life, throughout my life, would suffer. For myself. Personally. So why would I change?

Case in point...my friend Chris who lives outside the DMV, dated a super cute, seemingly nice, friendly, normal girl for a year or so. They broke up and it was rough. But now...it seems as though he is dating every hot lunatic that ever broke out of a mental hospital. Seriously. And treats them well. And puts up with their shit. And I just don't get it. Do you? Let me relay one of his tales - of some psycho tail - so you know what I'm talking about...


"Haha. New chick and I almost had a fight in the street near my apt. yesterday early evening. Love it.

She had been drinking all day w/ other friends and was wasted. I proposed meeting up and drinking/picnic in the Park early evening yesterday. Met her at a place where she had met up w/ friend bartender at a really nice restaurant there. Went up for a drink, ended up having two. (And then she proposed shots which I rejected.) Ended up not doing picnic - and I even had my picnic basket, blanket, sweatshirt (for her) and wine with me. Offered to make dinner instead. Took cab up to grocery store near me. Bought groceries for dinner. Now had basket and two bags of groceries. I have basket - she has groceries.

Half a block from store she starts to complain about weight of groceries, so we switch. Walks 10ft and complains about basket now. Puts basket on sidewalk and walks without it. I stop and like, "You've got to be kidding me.." And she keeps walking so I tell her to come back and get basket, refuse to pick it up. Tell her to finally come back and pick up the f'n basket and she does.
Haha.

Only child urban primadonna. And she's self-admitted she needs a lot of attention. Got to love it. But dinner went well. Had to share w/ someone. Hope everything is well with you."


WTF????


Just WHAT. the. FUCK.

Do you have any explanation? Because I sure dont...


Cheers,

T

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

This works both ways though. So many women put up with complete douche bags and assholes. You could have totally flipped that story around (so your friend was the chick, crazy bitch was the dude) and it would have still been a legit story.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I should add:

He's probably just going along with it for the sex. Or he's really young. Or both.

As Bill Simmons wrote:

"You know it probably won't last long. You know you can't get attached. You know that it has to be condoms all the time, every time, no exceptions. You know you can't let her move her stuff into your apartment, give her a key, get your e-mail password or find out where your checkbook is. Even when things are going perfectly -- like a vacation in Mexico when you're watching the sun setting on the beach, or a dance floor at a wedding when she's the sexiest girl there and you're the envy of your buddies -- in the back of your mind, you're constantly saying 'Keep your guard up, keep your guard up, keep your guard up,' because that's how it has to be. And at the first hint of trouble, you bail. No hard feelings."

Article:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmonsnfl2010/101008&sportCat=nfl

vvk said...

Boys/Men date these sort of women for many of the same reasons women wear painful shoes and uncomfortable clothing. Sometimes it's just because it feels good, but more often it's because they're showing off. They like the attention it brings them.

Anonymous said...

HOLY CRAP. that sounds like something my bf would do...not the planning picnic part but being a tool and wandering away...because he just doesn't want too.....why oh why do we tolerate that bullshit.

bupkiss said...

Purely speculation, but my explanation would be that your friend Chris is enjoying a series of flings while he takes a break from serious dating, so he doesn't care that the women aren't exactly suitable long-term partners. I truly don't think men put up with the kind of behavior for long, unless maybe the girl is otherwise WAY out of his league.

Marisa said...

What a great story, seriously, I laughed alone here in my apartment at the thought of her just leaving the basket on the sidewalk and walk away.

I have no explanation for this, but as I said, I know plenty of girls who put up with ridiculous and crazy behavior in their men too. I firmly believe that some people just feed off the drama, and can't feel in love without it.

Sarah said...

+1 on the first Anonymous comment. I've been there.

Toddy said...

I love love LOVE that people seemed to enjoy this post. It is a pretty hysterical story that she's ditching a basket on a sidewalk...

Anonymous- sorry but I disagree. Men care way more about sex and looks so they put up with emotional and personality and intelligence flaws more... and I'm sure it is for the sex but still...i'm sure there are semi-normal, semi-nice, semi-notcrazy hot girls to have sex with. If you can't trust someone not to steal your checkbook you shouldn't go anywhere near them. Just my non-crazy opinion anyways...

vvk-agreed

anonymous#2-I dont put up with crazy bs like that. why do you? you tell me!

Andrew said...

She was drunk and left a picnic basket on the sidewalk? That's it? Seeing no tales of throwing things or screaming in the grocery store, I'm labeling this girl an amatuer. But still judging her extensively.

The "why" is simple - I've done it before, will probably do it again. The crazies aren't as good at playing the "game" since I think they really know deep down they're effing nuts. They've got to get their hooks into you quickly.

But we get older. We get wiser. Most of us would much rather avoid the crazies. The sex can be replaced. The scar from a stilletto to the arm is forever.

Anonymous said...

As a self-admitted 'crazy', this fascinates me. I meet all sorts of men and within hours, days, weeks or a few months, they are talking marriage and all insist on introducing me to their entire family FAR too early for my liking.

I get angry. Blow a fuse. Call them names. Throw strops. 'Lose it' for no good reason. Ignore them for no reason. 'Forget' to return their calls. Avoid them. Hang up on them. Force them to 'take the relationship slow'. Make them work bloody hard for the first kiss, let alone the first naked session that may or may not lead to sex. Give them blue balls for the heck of it. Demand things for the heck of it. Delete all their emails. Block them on facebook, then unblock them days/weeks later. See how far we can push them (they NEED to push back at some point otherwise we toss them aside as we crazies don't like spineless wimps!). Toss their gifts away. Heck, even wreck things sometimes. Basically, we are TOTALLY unpredictable. It's like you're either walking on cloud 9 or on egg shells or a tight rope. You don't know what can make us blow up. We are PMSing every other minute.

But when I am 'normal', I'm sweet as a pie. Very loving, kind, romantic, giving, prone to spoiling men with gifts, massages, unexpected pampering session.

I guess, in a twisted way, it's the 'sweet me' they walk through fire for, the 'nice me' they bend over backwards for hoping to get a glimpse, and when they get that side, they do everything in their power to keep that side for as long as possible.

Until I blow up again.

Yet they stick around. They stick around for YEARS even, until I get sick of it and end it. I could not understand why they stuck around when even their friends and family could see I was a controlling, bitchy, demanding hot & cold' cow.

I really could not understand it! My nice friends were getting walked over by their boyfriends, who behaved like jerks because they knew they could get away with it. Even the ones who did not behave like jerks, they took the nice girls for granted. And then they would eventually dump the nice girls, making them cry over their wasted years and wondering if they were dumped because they were not nice enough. How ironic.

Then someone pointed me to the book titled 'Why men marry bitches' (or something like that) and it TOTALLY clicked. Cus I was, and always had been, the total bitch described in the book.

Men like hard work, I guess. They appreciate things they have fought for, things that have cost them their blood, sweat, tears, savings, livelyhood.

It's why they spend all their time and money doing up their expensive cars or following a sports team.

For the glory. For the trophy. For the high that comes from WINNING!

See, I think they liken it to a sport...if they can tame a crazy bitch like me, then they've won something.

What can I say? Men are crazy.


Too.

Anonymous said...

Me again, in response to a comment I just read. Andrew, I love you!

You totally get us crazies! Especially this part: "I'm labeling this girl an amatuer...The crazies aren't as good at playing the "game" since I think they really know deep down they're effing nuts".

Toddy, Andrew is right. There is only so much pain and drama a man can take before he learns his lesson and marries the nice, quiet woman who won't make him bleed anymore (emotionally or physically).

I have to admit that at the start of your relationship, I thought you were going to totally have Mr Unicorn wrapped around your little finger, based on one story you wrote.

Which was it?

The one where you were growling at him when he switched the lights on without you expecting them on, and how you barked at him for coffee etc. You were a total cow that morning, and although he seemed upset by your behaviour, he got 'trained' to start forewarning you before he switches lights on by saying 'LIGHTS!', and if I recall correctly...he got a stash of good coffee and kept it in his house, just for you. Well trained, he was...well trained...after one bitchy run-in with you. Wow!

Oh, how that made my heart dance, as I thought...'This chick is showing him! He's gonna start working harder and harder to keep her sweet, to the point that he'll devote his entire life to making her happy...haha!"

Eh! It's like cowboys...have you ever seen the look of pride and satisfaction that comes over their face when they've managed to tame a wild horse, and let it have someone ride it without kicking them off? Or when they've been able to successfully throw the noose to catch the wild bull...or when they've managed to stay on the bucking bull for the longest without having their ribs completely crushed or their left lung punctured? They'll stand up and bask in the cheers of the crowd, with their blood spilling from open wounds and their knee being held together by a make-shift bandage. Like a boxer who survives 9 rounds with Iron Mike Tyson, like Siegfield and Roy after surviving yet another tiger mauling, somehow they don't feel any pain. They are too pumped up with the joy of...WINNING!

So much so that they they'll do it all over again (as soon as they've recovered enough from their gory wounds).

Men thrive on hard work like that. It makes them feel alive! Especially when they are younger and immature (not saying that Mr U is immature!).

I hope that helps explain the attraction to crazies better.

As for me, I'm getting old, girl. Getting tired of being crazy. But alas, I don't think there is a cure :-(

I just want to find a man I can put up with for life and settle down with.

*Le sigh*

Anonymous said...

OOOOOOOHHHH, sorry to hog the comment section, but it's me again and I just cannot leave without mentioning another story of you being a total bitch and how that made Mr Unicorn learn, get trained, and treat you even better!

What other story was this?

The one where he came to visit you at work, unexpectedly, and he brought you flowers. If I recall correctly, you were blunt with him, you shooed him out and did not show the kind of immediate appreciation he CRAVED (and was willing to WORK for).

Then you felt guilty. You apologised, but he'd learnt his lesson and he responded by taking you out on an exceptionally spectacular 'surprise' date full of daily hints and clues that built up into a crescendo of feverish excitement.

Ah...you see how he learnt? His pathetic surprise with mere flowers did not have the wow factor he craved, so he did it one better! ;-)

I'm not saying you should have been more demanding / crazy with him. I'm just saying...perhaps that's what he secretly responds to with deep feelings of being in love and endless passion.

If so, send him my way please. (Just joking!)

Jessica said...

Wow the comments on this post are almost as interesting as the post itself haha... I think I agree with Anonymous in that men like the chase and the hard work that comes with a crazy girl and they know that they can get away with less shit, so they won't even try it, whereas they might with a nicer girl.. I definitely see this pattern of behavior with my guy friends too! I think (hope) it's something that they eventually grow out of though...

FoggyDew said...

You will find this is a trait shared almost exclusively by younger men (20s). As we get older, this kind of shit gets even older faster (unless she's a lot younger and like, say, a red-headed stripper). I had an ex who loved to pick fights about the silliest things and it annoyed her to no end when I refused to engage in her childish antics. Although, as has been said, I did put up with it for longer than I should have because the sex was pretty good.

My advice: Look for an older guy who's grown out of his "bat-shit crazy women" phase.

Anonymous said...

I turned from nice girl who moved into assertiveness - to crazy when I was clued into the truth about a guy I should have avoided completely... he played games, and when I drew boundaries, he would stay quiet for a while and then come back not wanting to talk about who did this or that, because it made him feel bad (aww, poor little douchebag). He drove me crazy and then left me in the dust, to chase the very women he complained about (although he didn't give up with me right away, once I'd flipped out on him). I'm the one crying about wasted years, after I told him where to go more than once, and he kept contacting me when he should have stayed away.

I recently filled out a profile on a dating site, that basically said that I was too cynical and had issues (that I didn't have a few years ago, damn it). I then added in a bit more about my situation - alluding to problems, but not saying anything about them, and then added in a little more about being afraid of such-and-such. I was getting all sorts of messages. I changed it to a more normal sounding profile a couple of days ago - having calmed down a bit, and looked around other profiles, and have barely received anything. So I came to the same conclusion: these guys say they aren't looking for crazy, but most of them flock to it, for some reason.

-A

Anonymous said...

Also, I pointed out to the one guy that he was chasing after the very girls he'd bitched about, and taken me for granted. He was a male drama queen if ever there was one, and I've been scratching my head, wondering what I ever saw in him - he came across as pretty healthy when I first met him (and developed feelings). Had I had more going on in my own life, and felt better about myself (self-esteem was up and down, partially thanks to him), then he wouldn't have had such a hold on me.
-A

Jon said...

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.








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